With each increment of aging, new questions surface. One of the first to encounter is “maybe you should get a job”. The assumption being that the responsibility and experience will be somehow beneficial. Working for a faceless corporation though, fulfills only the weakest-willed among us. At each turn, you are at best used, and at worst broken.
Being employed by someone else is something I could never conceive. To waste my hours, my talent, for someone else to profit? Unthinkable.
My personal nightmare is a 9 to 5 with unpaid overtime, an evil manager, distracting gossip around the water cooler, low wages, being unappreciated, bored, trapped and pinning all my hopes on a promotion that would never come. It happens all the time.
So yes, I’d rather take a chance, and fail repeatedly by myself, than that apparent “success”. Those successful people either turn into workaholics, living to work, or they have a nervous breakdown down the line, when it’ll be difficult to change
It takes courage to step apart from the rest of your generation and say No, I want something better. The people in the system, like the Matrix, won’t like you, might fear you, secretly admire, but they can’t bring themselves to unplug.
Most people I encounter sense something about me, something new, they’ve called it everything from charisma (when I’m on their side) to arrogance (when I am not), but they sense I am different somehow and it affords me the opportunity to lead (even those with authority over me have allowed me to do this with their blessing); to control people for a common aim, normally career-driven. They know I draw energy from something, and they respect me for always maintaining my professional standards at what is frequently great personal risk. What drives me I never disclose, this would ruin my contacts with information overload. Cutting off my nose to spite my face. I like my nose how it is, thank you.
Like any system, there is a way out of ours. And I’m determined to play the system until I find it. Even it if kills me.
This trapdoor won’t be easy to root out, obviously. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. But I’ll put in the hours of my spare time others will think I’m wasting, look at the loopholes (legal and otherwise) of this life I find myself in. To find a way out. To tunnel to freedom. And I’ll document my thoughts along the road, of course.