Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport. They truly believe in their superiority even if objective evidence does not back it up. One psychiatry professor of mine did say, “They make everyone around them feel badly but they don’t feel badly themselves.”
Hurting people is their sport. They are fully intentional and knowing what they’re doing.
It should really be classified as interpersonal sadism. They are deliberately cruel.
I’d say three things to keep in mind.
- show strength, don’t let them control you, they only respect strength, don’t ask for them to go easy because like bullies, it’ll make them worse
- explain what they’re doing as they’re doing it e.g. gaslighting, and when they try to call you crazy for pointing it out, they humiliate themselves in front of others by proving your point
- walk or eject them from your life, you have control, and make it clear what they’re like to warn off others
Deflect, project, externalize and feel relieved of the problem. If you manage to convince relevant parties (plus your self) that your offense was justified, non-existent or that you were the victim rather than the perpetrator, you escape responsibility.
They fear responsibility for their actions. Don’t let them weasel out.
It’s all amygdala, fear of a bad reputation and someone standing up to them. These people were bullies at school. Overt narcs tend to pair up with covert ones or borderlines. It’s a pattern. They choose this, like they choose to reject or hate most of their ‘friends’.
An unpleasant moment might arise if you rage against someone who criticizes or exposes you, but you will probably bounce back quickly. Since your conscience isn’t too troubled, moving on and into social situations with upright shoulders and a smile is no problem.
They don’t have a conscience, they are entirely selfish.
Sacrifice is for pussies to them. The type who sneer at White Knighting, even if it meant sticking up for their aged grandmother.
Thankfully, they all end up old and alone, the ultimate punishment for someone who seeks validation from others.
Let them go, let them brag about being genetic suicides, it’s a good thing.
They have no work ethic (their commitment phobia is actually a fear of relationship work) and when this is exposed they will throw a tantrum (ragequit).
When you claim credit for something you did not do, people pick up on it and it disturbs them. This can compromise your success, as you are not seen as trustworthy.
Notice the being caught bothers them, never the sin itself?
They will go too far in claiming almost sainthood, and if caught on a sordid history, will claim to be better people for it. Better than the good people. It’s a clue.
You become tainted, rather than respected, which is troubling for a person who cares deeply about image.
They care for being seen as good, never being good (they free ride on the goodness of others).
They are tainted, and broken, and damaged and morally hollow.
To over-compensate, they will try to claim moral authority (based on nothing more than their ‘experience’ screwing people over and their ‘wisdom’ aka opinion, as worthless as everyone else).
They are constantly rejected because they deserve to be.
Usually, their recoveries are also fake. They cannot commit to the act so it’s short-lived and they pretend it’s a relapse.
Consequences you never expected—loss, abandonment, debt, legal trouble and ultimate loneliness might become your lot and a situation that your high-honed tactics cannot undo. At a certain point you cannot brush it off or continue the ruse.
They never mention their own actions that caused people to respond. They deserve to be abandoned if they cannot meet the human needs of others and treat them like pets. Or in the case of relationships, treat the (say woman) like a parent because Mother cannot abandon them. Freedom of association means there is no such thing as abandonment without a legal obligation. They would force people to socialize with them if they could, and that’s why you find them in crowded urban environments like clubs, where they can blend in and it takes longer to out them.
A lot of them cannot pair bond, making LTRs impossible.
Many have insecure or avoidant attachment styles but project their issues onto the women they magically keep picking. To cover this fault of personal taste with delusion, they blame the women, all women, and argue there aren’t any good ones anymore because logically, if the good ones existed they flatter themselves such women would be lining up to be pumped and dumped by Mr ‘Player’.
Don’t ask about their Daddy Issues.
It’s funny, and they often accuse their girlfriends, so you know it applies to them too, but it prompts a rage.
The best thing to remember is that they don’t even know you. They don’t care about people to pay close enough attention to you, to know what you’re really like. The insults they use on you are pre-emptive so you can’t use them on them (do so anyway). The things they say are about how they feel, even when insulting others they’re completely self-centred, assuming what hurts them would hurt anyone lesser (just anyone).
Very attached to mother, but with anger and resentment there too.