It reminds me of little kids.
Looking is not touching.
Touching strangers is wrong.
It isn’t friendly.
It’s like copping a free feel or trying to ingratiate yourself psychologically.
Oxytocin to create a bond isn’t released from stranger interactions. Cortisol, the stress hormone, is.
Entitlement: Why do you get to impose your expectation on other people, your legal equals?
If it’s friendly, they’d do it to other men. It tends to be men doing it to women because 1. it’s obviously sexual and most of them are straight, unfortunately, meaning men rarely have this problem and 2. they believe there’s a low risk of being punched in the face. True. But there is a higher risk of being kicked in the balls. Grabbing or pinning is an attack common to martial arts and obstructing someone from moving freely (penning) is legal cause for self-defense. The intention is not important, legally.
When other men do it, you’d assume you’re being attacked. ‘Kino’ is assault.
Proxemics aside, cultural differences are no excuse, respect the people you’re talking to as people, like you.
As in, neither party has the right to randomly paw at the other.
Booze is not an excuse. Crashing a car is still bad, whether you’re drunk or not. Again, your intention should be translated into appropriate actions. A judge would ask why you created that situation and expected it to end well, ignorance of the laws is no excuse.
You don’t get to foist any kind of intimacy on people, it doesn’t matter how well you know them, they retain rights. This is called escalating in PUA circles, forcing intimacy. That kind of force is illegal, yo. The word ‘force’ gives it away, kay?
These people presume you’re ‘game’ to be humiliated, demeaned or used in the hopes you have no personal boundaries. It’s to do with sociological frames, they assume control hoping you won’t question the assumption. Personal boundaries are a human right, legally and socially. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect you. The law also applies in clubs or hell, even a brothel. They’d literally treat a prostitute with more respect. They judged you to be less worthy of respect than a hooker. They wonder at their ‘fail rate’.
RUDE PEOPLE DO NOT DESERVE POLITENESS IN RETURN.
This rewards them. This encourages them. Say they’re being rude. Use the word rude. Be rude yourself, they deserve it. You don’t have to impress them, befriend, correct or be nice to them. They set the tone, not you.
Do not fall into the trap of treating them like they’re your responsibility, they aren’t your naughty child and they enjoy this attention as an opener to befriend you. It isn’t your fault their mama raised them wrong. You can’t fix them, they’re adults, they’re already dead inside. There’s no hope. Don’t stand around trying to correct someone on etiquette (and respect) who doesn’t believe in evil or their own capacity for wrongdoing. Don’t try to ‘save’ them, you aren’t Jesus, dear. Walk away as soon as possible, tell an authority figure in case they start on others (they will, because you’re so special), after pointing out somehow they were 1. rude and it was 2. wrong of them to behave like this. They need telling, but only because the message will sink in with punishment.
There are plenty of discussions about ‘female entitlement’ from such men, notice the clause. Derailing, seriously? Doesn’t change the fact, does it? Changing the subject doesn’t change the agency of men, does it?
Tu quoque isn’t a license to assault. ‘It’s bad for you too!’ hypothetically or really, doesn’t make it morally acceptable, does it? Two wrongs do not make a right, do they? It isn’t the agent, and it’s behaviour. A man or a woman can be an alcoholic, doesn’t make alcoholism better or worse. They are defined by their bad choices.
People are rude. Men can ‘confuse’ the difference between assertive (Can I buy you a drink? Hello, you seem nice.) with aggressive (if you have to grab, it’s because you know she doesn’t want to grab you).
Just get the bouncer or a really gay guy to grab them in exactly the same way and see if he thinks it’s fine. No women to blame there. It’s the Western version of Eve Teasing and it demeans us all, as a society. We shouldn’t have to explain why people in the West have the human right to go out without being molested. Would they also pass a child in a park and grab them that way, if it’s so ‘friendly’ and the word they refuse to use, ‘innocent’?
Just point out their behaviour. They get really flustered at being challenged and having to explain themselves.
Even a parent wouldn’t randomly walk up and grab their child, so they’re presuming a level of control and dominance above the people who made you. Not attractive. They grab you because they cannot grab your attention. It’s sad, really. Don’t pity the predator though. They will go on to do it to others.
Why do you think you get to touch me? You don’t own me. I own me. People aren’t pets, don’t pet me.
Do you often go around groping strangers? [yes they do]
You do know going round feeling people up is illegal? It’s also a fetish called frottage.
Grab me again and I’ll defend myself. [this really triggers them into umbrage]
If this is how you treat strangers, maybe you rape your friends. [only use if obnoxious]
Even when we shake hands, they are offered. This allows the physical bid to be rejected. This is polite among men.
Swerving and giving them a disgusted expression will often convey better than words, as a first line of defence. You note the easy application of defence? Because restricting a person’s use of their own body is an attack.
Second line “what’s wrong with you?” accurately puts the attention on their responsibility for their own actions.
Liking someone’s outfit, or them being a celebrity, or thinking they’re pretty, is not an excuse to touch them. Ask if you can touch the fabric of an outfit and they’ll usually offer a sex-neutral area, like an arm or shoulder. That’s fine.
You don’t go up and touch their handbag or their car, do you? Why accord their body less respect?
In short, don’t treat regular people, male or female, with less respect than you’d show a stripper, who is protected by bouncers.
Chasing people around a place makes you a sexual predator too. We’ve all seen the poor women hiding in the bathroom so the creep will leave. Don’t complain you keep being called a creep, if you keep acting like one.