Elon disappoints me

Yes, it’s an Elon shitpost where I am a useless garbage person and add nothing of value but the occasional funny GIF, but it’s been a while since my inner gay bitch came out and a lot of situations have changed with this subject so.

Every time I read something about Elon for a long while now, he disappoints me.

The thing with the handles, the thing with the rocket, the other thing with the rocket, the exploding cars (confusing them with his malfunctioning rockets, but his ego somehow never falters) it’s been a shitstorm but he’s still going round like he has one of his strap-on rocket boosters permanently lodged up his backside and the payload is taxpayer money, assuming there aren’t enough people with their mouths permanently attached to that thing since his TED talk a la Human Silicon Valley Centipede.

It was bad enough when he divorced Tally, since they’re my OTP.


Proof enclosed. QED. Let me grieve.

Then he divorced her a second time and I was heartbroken.

done with this shit downton

As we say here What. A. Bastard.
He is never going to do better. She puts up with his shit, what more can a man ask for?
Like seriously, isn’t that all a marriage is? It’s like he won’t allow himself to be loved.

Then I see he’s dating Amber Heard and I swear I wanted to punch the drywall of the hotel I was staying in at the time. She is just terrible. Johnny is the Indie Trash King, she is the Indie Trash Queen, and they were perfect for each other. He’s worse than her, way worse, but that doesn’t make her a good person. It isn’t saying much, and all the people saying she’s so bad doesn’t make Depp the good guy here (he’s got NDAs on whatever witness accounts come out of the divorce, cos he’s so clean but at least she gave all his money to charity, a fact her haters didn’t pick up on).

She isn’t completely terrible, but she isn’t a very good influence with her history.

And never in a million lightyears better than Riley.

Kind, sweet, creative Riley, who his children love.

Anyway, this isn’t about her, although she hasn’t ruled out remarrying the putz because again, she’s the only person on planet Earth who’ll put up with his shit. Maybe that’s why he wants to start over on Mars.

It’s like Viv and Larry at this point. The suspense is killing me, like a will-they-won’t-they season finale that will literally never end.

Cameron Diaz may have her flaws, a bit nutty in places, but she’s about a billion parsecs better than Amber Heard as a person.

Elon has his stalker moments.


Apparently the mogul pursued Johnny Depp‘s ex for FOUR YEARS before they became official buddies!

In a series of leaked emails, Musk begged Machete Kills director Robert Rodriguez to link the two up:

“If there is a party or event with Amber, I’d be interested in meeting her just out of curiosity. Allegedly, she is a fan of George Orwell and Ayn Rand … most unusual.”

oh no oh dear hides facepalm double

I’m not saying he’s perf.
Riley is perf.

He is 21st century Edison. He is far from ideal. He is very, as SJWs say, a problematic fave, OK?
I’m not denying that. However, he deserves to be happy and I don’t think he nor Riley will be truly happy in future without one another, based on evidence. Yet truthfully, Elon doesn’t deserve her. Maybe the divorces are his conscience acting up, explaining THAT tweet, who knows? I certainly don’t. I don’t know anything.

And his other ex had some good points (making fun of the stretch marks she got bearing his heirs, clamming up when she miscarried and needed her husband’s support, the same mental stuff his father did to him et cetera).
So much so he’s had to write corrections for Henry. Henry B with the silly ties.


I’m not the first to notice some shady shit.


Elon Musk experienced ongoing chronic trauma through constant verbal and emotional abuse from his father. He also underwent daily bullying from kids. One specific event was in his school in South Africa in which a group of boys grabbed him and threw him down a flight of stairs. The boys then beat him mercilessly until he lost consciousness. The injuries he sustained continue to plague him to this day regarding including damage to his septum and difficulty with breathing.

He may fit the criteria for one of AC’s narcissists based on this type of thing.
In places, at least.
It begs the question, can someone damaged like that learn to love, or continue to make bad choices?

omg really wtf go away no audrey

The manwhoring is off-topic (despite his having five kids aka major responsibilities) but I wanted to explain while brilliant in business, in places, he is… far from Tesla. He is much closer to Edison, whom he admits to liking more anyway. Why he didn’t name his energy company Edison will forever piss me off.

The application of logic is wanting

Literally forever. I will go to my grave seething and smoking at the ears about this.
Do the living relatives see a penny? With the use of their name? What do you think?

He could power his maiden flight off my renewable rage on that reality.

It would make more sense to base it on Edison but Elon has to be edgy, doesn’t he?

eye roll omg shut up boring bored damon ian drinking

Wrapping it up and rolling it into the future. After all, Nikola Tesla is dead and I need to get over it and myself, ultimately. It’s been literally centuries.

Reading about Elon’s latest fucking foray into God Knows What Celebrity Bullshit is frequently leaving me like this nowadays.  WHAT. NOW.

omg shut up stupid dumb idiots argh ahhhh hiddleston facepalm deep blue sea

I don’t find this. It finds me. People even send me it, mistakenly thinking I care.

He can do so much, ya know?
I thought you were better than this, buddy.
If we go by averages, he’s got like, about two decades. He’s wasting it in bad nightclubs that make him look Officially Old but Down With The Kids (The Box is atrocious and only posers go there) and on bad business ideas (drop the Hyperloop, double down on cars, dipshit) instead of spending time with his kids (like the Alpha Male of that wedding story) and with the only woman on the planet with the temperance to marry him for his Dark Triad personality and not give a single solid gold shit about his stock money.

Now? His contracts are rapidly getting cancelled because they aren’t being filled (but he’s filling in other things…) and his former successes appear to be poisoning or evaporating his future-oriented efforts.
The taxpayer question has loomed for years but he refused to comment.

I bring this up now because….


Is Elon Musk being trolled by the oil and gas industry? Or rivals in the rocket-making world?

Well clearly someone out there is furious with him.
My money says herpes. It’s like glitter, apparently.

No clear answer has emerged, but the Tesla CEO and SpaceX founder seems under attack on conservative websites, according to a Bloomberg report.

OY. I resent that.
Is this another fake news thingey?

The tech entrepreneur was on the blunt end of stories titled, “Elon Musk Continues to Blow Up Taxpayer Money With Falcon 9,” and “Here’s How Elon Musk Stole $5 Billion in Taxpayer Dollars,” written under the byline Shepard Stewart for conservative websites.

That is hilarious. It’s a comic book name. It’s a connivingly subtle injoke too.
And a joke about things a child could make.

It’s weirdly specific, don’t you think? Not your usual troll fare commentary.
Really explicit business stuff that you’d think was easy to dismiss or completely refute.
Unless it’s true. In which case, he’s panicking and screwed because billions ride on this never coming out.

Much like the S20 finale of South Park, it’s like there’s some uber-troll in technology changing the world, like Presidential elections and Brexit and stuff, and I don’t mean just throwing pink money at Hulk Hogan, although that was also very funny and totally right. Almost…. alt right.

Who’d wanna take down Elon based on shady business practices, right? He’s such a nice guy.
Ask Amber.
It isn’t like he’s become really shallow and money with a side slice of fame is the only thing he really cares about.
What was it they said in Trading Places?

” Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.”

And his shit keeps blowing up when it’s not supposed to, I hope he suspects Chinese sabotage.
And I hope, unlike Andrew, he makes his own drinks.
Why is this so funny?

It’s easy enough, Elon.

Either it’s true or it isn’t, Elon.

Post proof to the contrary. Tell us the truth.
Are you the real Tony Stark [DS: also on my Shit List], or in fact, technically like Edison ripping off Tesla?
[personally I think that’s why he called it Tesla]

But the byline was a pseudonym and the true author hasn’t been located, said one duped editor. “Definitely a fake,” said Gavin Wax, editor-in-chief of the Liberty Conservative. A chagrined Wax told Bloomberg the “Stewart” character “went totally dark on us after we published him.”

snort lol laugh haha hmph derision yeah duh really uhuh mhmm princess bride
What a terrible terrible shame.
laughing lol haha liar liar
He’s like rocketry Batman, disappearing forever into deep web.

Well, if you have shady business practices and someone in a position to know roughly what those are is raising questions (with clickbait titles) about the money they paid for services not rendered satisfactorily, isn’t that in the public interest?

Does he prove us all wrong?
He goes full-media blowout.
To quote the show we both love and that bastard in bad shirts got to voice before me.

all no none joke humour funny

Instead he seriously asks Twitter, home of the SJW he despises, and whines in his passive-aggro way like a little bitch with one of his bad reference jokes to rub it in

This was after he did the South Park part to have a very public dig back at this person with a plot about a troll that he totally doesn’t know already, believe him, so really this is the second thing. More like an announcement of the first thing to lure attention to it, since that was shortly before the date the interesting episodes in question aired, coincidentally possibly based on a joke someone told him once at a party, supposedly. About feminist sperm farms on Mars*. From someone, like, really smart, and, really funny. [x]
…Could he be telling us something with all that, peeps? [x]
It’s like he’s throwing down the Infinity Gauntlet with this tweet.
come at me bro scarlet pimpernel

Reactions in stages.

I don't have anything funny to say about this

Twitter? You put this on Twitter, you lil bitch?

I may appear smug, in fact that's just the sound of maths rushing through my mind

Were you also quaking in your boots, when they posted the shop of you hiding under someone’s covers?

Contrary to popular belief, sorry appears to be the magic word

I guess we’re all meant to believe you don’t care, not even 1%, this isn’t a threat whatsoever, as you try to cover it up with a flurry of headlines about TV and a plot about a girl who can do rocket science better than you. Funny.

It's so cute when r types try to be K.

Would Elon do that? Just go on the internet? Tell lies?

It's a fantasy of social power above sexual power

It’s very direct, is it not? Like a challenge?

Littlefinger would own you at Rock Paper Scissors

Facts or GTFO.
The grant money Whys are not going away. Whatever he says.
It would be better if you answered it, instead of snidely calling your informed detractor a Skank.


2017 is gonna be a good one. Can’t wait to see.

Get over yourself and learn something or GTFO loser

I can’t wait to see Elon’s reputation go up in flames if there were something fishy, like one of his rockets, or batteries, or like how some anonymous person told a Spectator journalist that Emma Watson was listed in the Panama scandal. It would be terrible to see something like that happening to the guy forming a veritable Empire of Energy… off the backs of impoverished taxpayer monies.

game moriarty manic

Stay clean, Elon.


‘member Lord Acton? Every thing secret degenerates.

Love, D.

*Many old sci-fi stories included stories about underground Mars. Tesla claimed to receive signals from it. There are many layers, like an onion.

comeback required kilgrave

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