2016 makeup: Year of the Chav

 

He’s brutal but they deserve it.

This didn’t look good ten years ago on schoolgirls. Schoolgirls don’t even need makeup usually, being at the peak of their oestrogen. Concealer for spots, maybe powder for grease. Done. Instead, they applied more paint than a GCSE Art class.

I’m getting flashbacks. By 3pm, it would’ve cracked.

It’s chav makeup the Americans have only just discovered. I haven’t said anything previously because I found it funny.

They spend a ton of money looking cheap.

It allows you to swerve to avoid them.

We have a TV show here called Snog Marry Avoid. Watch it online sometime.

Essentially, it mocks all those LA wannabes. Except, beautifully, the LA people are now imitating them, ten years too late.

 

This show is amazing, really. It should become a Thing in America. Do your own version please.

The host is in on the joke.

Playboy Americana.

2017? Pointy.

Going by what I’ve seen these people do recently, Asian eyes. They try to narrow them and stretch them out but up, like Benedict Cumberbatch it produces this alien effect. A lot of purple and green for some reason. Orange mouth that isn’t coral, but isn’t red either. It’s like someone gave baby Oscar Wilde a geisha makeup set.

The mouth, however, is very round. Like a blow-up doll. Ideally, a circle, mid-pout. But the brows are flattening like a man.

1. Be civil. 2. Be logical or fair. 3. Do not bore me.

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