Link: Gaslighting in marriage – why it’s wrong

It isn’t purely men that do this but in a marriage, I’ve never heard of a woman doing it.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2016/01/20-situations-in-which-men-gaslight-women/

Those ‘redpill husbands’ claiming this is prosocial domination are covering for their antisocial, divorce-causing behaviour.

In a 1998 study of 130 newlywed couples designed to explore predictors of divorce or marital stability, marriage researcher and author Dr. John Gottman and colleagues, labeled this observed behavior of husbands — as “bat-em-back” — due to the force with which husbands automatically acted to cut off any attempts of wives to influence. To the researchers, this intentional behavior was likened to that of a baseball player at the plate, ever ready to “bat” a home run.

This and subsequent studies found that a husband’s “refusal to accept influence from his wife” — in effect, gaslighting — is highly predictive of divorce. On the bright side, findings also showed that a husband’s “acceptance of influence from his wife” is even more predictive of a stable and happy marriage.

Essentially he’s depriving her of her role, refusing to allow her to support him.
Well, if you didn’t want support, why aren’t you single?
If you hate the feminine, why legally and spiritually bind yourself to it?

Are the abusers honest about this fact? No.
Never. They’d lose control. You cannot cooperate with someone who wants to destroy you.
They don’t care about the marriage bond and they certainly don’t care about the other spouse.
In Biblical terms, they are letting the team down on the cherish part of the vow.

Naturally, the problem here is not male partners, rather the social conditioning that trains men to anxiously feel they have to prove masculinity on the basis of how different they are from women — and in general that means avoiding the “soft” stuff their female partners want, such as romance, nonsexual touch, doing things she wants or likes (without feeling emasculated), etc.

Anyone who does that whipped sound, you can tell they’re bad with women.
Love is a verb. Do or do not do.

Culturally speaking, we don’t trust that a baby boy will grow to become a man in the same way that an acorn becomes an oak tree. We expect men to be on guard throughout their lives to prove they are the “real” thing, and not “sissies” or “gay” and the like. And men’s fears are real; everyone is “watching,” male and female, ready to shame them to get back on track. (This shaming has intensified in last two decades.)

As Ali notes, gaslighting is a result of social conditioning rooted in a set of beliefs regarding gender roles and masculinity, such as that:

  • Women’s opinions don’t hold as much weight.

  • Women’s wants should not be treated as legitimate.

  • Men should never express regret when their actions have caused pain.

aka psychopath

Who doesn’t want to live with a psycho?

Geez, no wonder they divorce the bastard.

If they really believed any of those false beliefs, they would never, ever marry.
They’d rather die on the end of a shotgun.

I don’t think the men who do this realize – if we brought back fault-divorce, men would lose because dissolution is normally their fault. It’s a failure of EQ on their part. That’s also why they refuse therapy, they don’t want to change, like a toddler. They’d rather hurt/weaken or lose the spouse.

“Hamstering” explained as bullshit;

Because women are conditioned to collaborate and empathize, this tactic can send a woman’s brain into an exhaustive wheel-spinning mode of explaining, complaining, crying, begging, pleading, etc. (and women’s socialization leaves them more susceptible …),  and deceive a man’s brain into making several false, misleading (and unfortunate) conclusions.

Victim blaming, hilarious. Note that they’re fine around normal people though. It’s mere proximity to the loser who feels the need to throw around diagnoses like a Munchausen by Proxy (Woe is me because of them) that’s the real issue.

For one, they interpret the effectiveness of this thought control tactic to silence their partner’s voice as “proof” of men’s superiority, rightful dominance, strength and intelligence compared women’s, etc., and thus get tricked into relying on a tactic that harms their relationship, and gradually pushes their partner away.

They crave attention, spew bullshit, get what they wanted – but it’s the woman’s fault?
Amazing magic trick.
The dumbass doesn’t know he’s conditioning women not to provide him affection.

That’s a level of retard I’ve never seen.

In truth, gaslighting is a major obstacle to forming a healthy, vibrant couple relationship — emotional intimacy. For most female partners, for example, a failure to build emotional intimacy often means a gradual loss of interest in sex.

Literally the manosphere.

Women don’t want me – how is this their fault?

But while discussing their relationships, you can never, ever talk about them.

Guess the common factor.

Guess the problem.

3 responses to “Link: Gaslighting in marriage – why it’s wrong

  1. Yeah, I’m not seeing the gaslighting either, but it’s overall a good write-up.

    What do we think the causes of this are? I would argue that the poor social skills that you point out in boys are mirrored in girls, they just manifest differently. See: sex as an ice-breaker; disgusting levels of binge drinking (both genders), any women looking for a relationship on Tinder (demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of men’s motivations, women’s preferences (see Pareto principle and women’s selection of men))… I’m sure there are more, but my point is that there is an underlying cause to the social retardation of PUA and manospherian dating advice.

    I’d point out that the youngest generation (Gen Z) are having less sex and generally dating less than previous generations, instead engaging in dichotomized societies–one built to cater to girls’ fun, and one built to cater to boys’.

    This article (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/2017/09/11/end-young-love-dating-decline-among-i-generation-study-finds/) finds young people dating less than before.

    Working model: people spend more time with their smartphones, less time with each other, and their social skills decline or are undermined by unrealistic portrayals of relationships on TV. Wrong generation, but see Seinfeld’s audience-imposing narcissism, or a modern analogue thereof. Sorry, I don’t watch trash TV anymore.

    We could go back farther (“why are the kids on smartphones?” “Because they were designed to be addictive, and because social cohesion is in the shitter in our multicultural soon-3rd world trenches”), but I have my eye on point 3–do not bore me.

    Have I provoked any thoughts you care to share, Scholar?

1. Be civil. 2. Be logical or fair. 3. Do not bore me.

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