Male borderlines. Suicide threats give it away.
Nihilists actually laugh, it isn’t an excuse. If you’re looking for meaning, making everyone else’s business personal or saying the world Should Be a certain way (just world fallacy) then you’re not a nihilist, you’re another entitled narcissist.
Most nihilists are actually sociopaths, completely cold and thrill-seeking. They’re chilling to watch and I say that from personal experience. It’s better to have many feelings than the reverse, believe me. There’s still some potential and human in there. You can’t cut out your heart however much it hurts to feel, there’s the connection to other people you need. You gotta heal it. First step it to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get the basics down. Get a good therapist if you can afford one too. Fix yourself, reach out to others.
Suicidal ideation occurs when you want people to care about you, the classic scenario is envisaging your funeral. You’re not empty, far from it. Worry when you’re numb! Wanting people to care isn’t weak, any more than caring. Self-care is especially vital for men given your weaker social supports.