Urge to control hidden with lovebombing (being nice isn’t an obligation) and magically change the other person, killing the former person. Thanks, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast!
Validating bad behaviours as proof they’re needed.
Feeling superior for “catching” the predator they think they can turn into prey.
Resentment of common sense (if you don’t want them as they are, leave).
Passive aggression masquerading as gender roles (both sexes) e.g. 50s housewife incompetence or bravado complete with gaslighting put-downs around said incompetence.
Often they aren’t really empaths and covert narcissists pretend to be empaths.
Like autists and psychopaths (they confuse self-involvement with empathy).
Expecting a narc to love is like expecting a man with no hands to juggle.
A common female manifestation:
Intrusive people pushing into your life under the guise of “helping”.
Treating you like the problem (or a problem) and acting like your mother or shrink (power) when you made it clear you do not want this. If you were the problem, they’d want you to see a shrink or leave.
They don’t respect boundaries and try to force things as Being Nice. Those are the biggest bitches of all and to men, seem popular (and feminine, it’s fake feminine to seem less bossy) but women actually keep them at arm’s length with fake niceties to appease them. (It isn’t anything to do with appearance, contrary to what men can assume, as they’ll discover if they marry it).
It’s easy to spot Fake Nice women – does anyone take advantage of their “niceness”? If no, they’re actually a social predator. Real nice people hate the rep and people do take advantage.
It’s for your own good from such fake people is gaslighting, surely you know your own good better than someone you just met?
A common one I heard from men is “she won’t leave me alone, I feel like I’m being stalked!” yeah, because you are? If you tell someone repeatedly to back off and they don’t it’s harassment. I don’t cover female abuse enough but I feel uncomfortable knowing people may twist it or as if I’m speaking for experiences of men than just repeating.