Boys should be fragrance-free

You like skincare, huh? K.

And you’d be amazed how many “male” colognes contain lavender or rose, the latter of which hasn’t really been studied but if I were a man, I wouldn’t risk it.


Called “Ultra Male”

will ironically give you bitch tits.

I swear the fags are fucking with us.

Tom Ford boasted his vision was making straight men smell like gay dick.

I have grounds.

While men are the display sex of our species, they shouldn’t be the alluring, pretty, seductive-looking and smelling one. Y’all are idiots if you fall for metrosexual branding attempts to keep the exact same chemical ingredients and hock it in a blue or black bottle.

At least buy something cheaper with the same cheap ingredients?


“Lots of people have asked me if I’m wearing Tom Ford – enough said”


Make-up dupes exist and so do perfume ones. Entire sites list these. Don’t go broke smelling like cheap car leather. What they won’t tell you is that large branding celebrity houses often rip off the little guy so the cheaper thing called a dupe is frequently the original.

Male colognes tend to include so many irritants (smokey, woodsy, grassy ingredients) you’re practically guaranteed to develop allergies over time, in particular

at the application site from chemical exposure, made so, so much worse by citrus oils and UV-enriched sun exposure.

Bergamot is the worst. You wouldn’t rub it on your neck so why.

It smells like Earl Grey to me.

Bergamot is really big in colognes.


All for the bragging rights of purchasing the highest-status smelly water.

And what do we also have here?


Great if you want to smell like Queen Victoria’s bloomers.

Fuck it, I’m going to go full bitch mode.

What’s next, a bottle of a statue of Priapus? Okay, I’m done.

1. Be civil. 2. Be logical or fair. 3. Do not bore me.

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