Why women want artificial wombs and men shouldn’t

(ALL) Women:

  1. don’t have to give birth
  2. don’t have to give birth
  3. DON’T HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH

Other reasons? Really? Watch a few pregnancy horror story videos on Youtube and come back.

At least…. five.

Like, if you hated women, the last thing you should want is this technology.

Women would lionize the inventor more than the second coming of Jesus.

Fine, here is a short list of others. A short list off the top of my head.

  1. no vaginal tearing
  2. no recovery period (like, a year between babies, seriously)
  3. countless babies, no cap!
  4. 9 SOLID MONTHS of free time
  5. time to prepare for bubba and make money to save for its rearing, the magical symphony of compound interest in a college fund
  6. no downtime of suffering in pregnancy with weird malaise or vomiting randomly
  7. no weird pains or bodily functions like wetting yourself
  8. no humiliating exams involving instruments of torture
  9. or the phrase “anally palpate”
  10. no need for scary word blood tests
  11. or gigantic needles inserted into your cervix
  12. no need for brain-damaging fetal ultrasounds
  13. nobody blaming you for defects
  14. nobody blaming you for miscarriage or conception issues
  15. nobody judging the food you eat
  16. or how much you drink
  17. or if you smoke
  18. or if you venture anything moderately approaching effort in heavy pregnancy
  19. no bitchy nurses
  20. no post-partum heavy bleeding
  21. no loss of dignity
  22. no shitting yourself in semi-public (related)
  23. no husband stitch
  24. no episiotomies, period
  25. btw, no periods ever again because you don’t need the default one to be functional
  26. so let’s just remove that at adulthood once you look sexy
  27. and boom, no need for contraception that messes with your head
  28. sweet condom free sex for wives, no Catholic dread
  29. child support is no longer an issue, only men who want kids can have them
  30. only men with good genetics pass the screening process for a healthy pregnancy
  31. then there’s the price, keeping out the lazy who don’t understand saving money (the high time preference)
  32. baby can’t kill you, kinda big
  33. no C-section mortality
  34. no direct grief over miscarriage, it isn’t connected to you, you can just try again
  35. no stillbirth
  36. work as many years as you like, the pod is still factory fresh when you need it
  37. we can teach the baby in the pod all the things we want to teach it e.g. our voice
  38. and none of the things we don’t e.g. our swearing
  39. equal input from father thanks to technology e.g. teaching it his voice
  40. make as much money as you like and you can literally repopulate the planet
  41. stupid people can’t breed
  42. annoying people can’t find anyone to breed with them (two parents still needed to raise)
  43. no such thing as donor eggs/sperm because why not just grow your own with complete control?
  44. no random hair loss – or hair growth
  45. no sagging from breastfeeding because I think they’ll have a machine for that, by that point
  46. no needing extra calories, no pregnancy fat
  47. no stretch marks or scars or mask of pregnancy
  48. no interrupted sex life, no excuse for wandering husband
  49. longer gestation doesn’t kill the mother, humanity gets smarter
  50. humanity gets more attractive because who’d buy a synthetic womb to make an uggo?

Is fifty enough?

Hug your mother.

MEANWHILE, IN MALE DYSTOPIA.

Misogynistic men:

  1. no excuse to keep women at home barefoot, she isn’t pregnant
  2. nothing to distract them from your personality
  3. the best of any technology goes to the rich, producing a eugenic arms race
  4. you can’t just buy eggs, women suddenly values theirs
  5. the only donor eggs are low quality or blanks, supply/demand
  6. there’s obviously an IQ test because society is clearly advanced
  7. hope you don’t have a criminal record
  8. religion has lost a major bargaining chip
  9. women are valuing fathers who spend time with the children, preventing you from having endless ones
  10. people judge you for making one alone, knowing their outcomes can be cruel
  11. it is socially accepted breeding is something you must develop and earn
  12. lazy men need not apply, why marry them?
  13. the slutty women who wanted a child support check or just a baby no longer need men
  14. genetic engineering practiced on female gametes prevents such men from entering on grounds of uncivilized personality alleles (or, as we say, anti-social)
  15. robots do most work at this point in time, most male labour is extinct, as is the concept of a Third World
  16. there are far fewer men in the population than women, since mothers are still the primary caregiver
  17. with each passing generation, less unpleasantness spontaneously emerges in the human genome
  18. men who have a pod baby are legally required to raise it (no nannies)
  19. nannies went extinct because women saved money for their child before having one, allowing them to raise it personally, as studies indicate is healthier
  20. bonus, husband can’t cheat with non-existent nanny
  21. perfect microbiome, the son is healthier than the father
  22. and better looking as a result of perfect conception and gestation, you couldn’t compete socially with younger men
  23. birth is a joyous event for women, who can simply be injected with bonding chemicals
  24. as can men, meaning no man is a deadbeat ever again
  25. good luck evading responsibility if you change your mind, since it’s as deliberate a process as buying a house
  26. pod baby will sue if you abandon it, since we currently prosecute people who abuse animals they bought
  27. no tricking more attractive women into bearing your child or forcing them to marry you because of it
  28. rapists don’t get the one thing they want, access to a woman’s genetic material, no rape babies or abortions
  29. you know that shit counts under property, right? Women own their children still and only breed with a man they find suitable for marriage.
  30. no way to accidentally-on-purpose kill a baby if you hate its mother, pushing her down the stairs will not work.

There’s just thirty.

It is comforting to know we live in a quiet lull of culling forces and none of our ancestors lived in a time of so many stupid people and nor will many of our descendants.

I could go on. Womb envy is real.

Go ahead, gentlemen. Go right ahead.

1. Be civil. 2. Be logical or fair. 3. Do not bore me.

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