- don’t have to give birth
- don’t have to give birth
- DON’T HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH
Other reasons? Really? Watch a few pregnancy horror story videos on Youtube and come back.
At least…. five.
Like, if you hated women, the last thing you should want is this technology.
Women would lionize the inventor more than the second coming of Jesus.
Fine, here is a short list of others. A short list off the top of my head.
- no vaginal tearing
- no recovery period (like, a year between babies, seriously)
- countless babies, no cap!
- 9 SOLID MONTHS of free time
- time to prepare for bubba and make money to save for its rearing, the magical symphony of compound interest in a college fund
- no downtime of suffering in pregnancy with weird malaise or vomiting randomly
- no weird pains or bodily functions like wetting yourself
- no humiliating exams involving instruments of torture
- or the phrase “anally palpate”
- no need for scary word blood tests
- or gigantic needles inserted into your cervix
- no need for brain-damaging fetal ultrasounds
- nobody blaming you for defects
- nobody blaming you for miscarriage or conception issues
- nobody judging the food you eat
- or how much you drink
- or if you smoke
- or if you venture anything moderately approaching effort in heavy pregnancy
- no bitchy nurses
- no post-partum heavy bleeding
- no loss of dignity
- no shitting yourself in semi-public (related)
- no husband stitch
- no episiotomies, period
- btw, no periods ever again because you don’t need the default one to be functional
- so let’s just remove that at adulthood once you look sexy
- and boom, no need for contraception that messes with your head
- sweet condom free sex for wives, no Catholic dread
- child support is no longer an issue, only men who want kids can have them
- only men with good genetics pass the screening process for a healthy pregnancy
- then there’s the price, keeping out the lazy who don’t understand saving money (the high time preference)
- baby can’t kill you, kinda big
- no C-section mortality
- no direct grief over miscarriage, it isn’t connected to you, you can just try again
- no stillbirth
- work as many years as you like, the pod is still factory fresh when you need it
- we can teach the baby in the pod all the things we want to teach it e.g. our voice
- and none of the things we don’t e.g. our swearing
- equal input from father thanks to technology e.g. teaching it his voice
- make as much money as you like and you can literally repopulate the planet
- stupid people can’t breed
- annoying people can’t find anyone to breed with them (two parents still needed to raise)
- no such thing as donor eggs/sperm because why not just grow your own with complete control?
- no random hair loss – or hair growth
- no sagging from breastfeeding because I think they’ll have a machine for that, by that point
- no needing extra calories, no pregnancy fat
- no stretch marks or scars or mask of pregnancy
- no interrupted sex life, no excuse for wandering husband
- longer gestation doesn’t kill the mother, humanity gets smarter
- humanity gets more attractive because who’d buy a synthetic womb to make an uggo?
Is fifty enough?
Hug your mother.
MEANWHILE, IN MALE DYSTOPIA.
- no excuse to keep women at home barefoot, she isn’t pregnant
- nothing to distract them from your personality
- the best of any technology goes to the rich, producing a eugenic arms race
- you can’t just buy eggs, women suddenly values theirs
- the only donor eggs are low quality or blanks, supply/demand
- there’s obviously an IQ test because society is clearly advanced
- hope you don’t have a criminal record
- religion has lost a major bargaining chip
- women are valuing fathers who spend time with the children, preventing you from having endless ones
- people judge you for making one alone, knowing their outcomes can be cruel
- it is socially accepted breeding is something you must develop and earn
- lazy men need not apply, why marry them?
- the slutty women who wanted a child support check or just a baby no longer need men
- genetic engineering practiced on female gametes prevents such men from entering on grounds of uncivilized personality alleles (or, as we say, anti-social)
- robots do most work at this point in time, most male labour is extinct, as is the concept of a Third World
- there are far fewer men in the population than women, since mothers are still the primary caregiver
- with each passing generation, less unpleasantness spontaneously emerges in the human genome
- men who have a pod baby are legally required to raise it (no nannies)
- nannies went extinct because women saved money for their child before having one, allowing them to raise it personally, as studies indicate is healthier
- bonus, husband can’t cheat with non-existent nanny
- perfect microbiome, the son is healthier than the father
- and better looking as a result of perfect conception and gestation, you couldn’t compete socially with younger men
- birth is a joyous event for women, who can simply be injected with bonding chemicals
- as can men, meaning no man is a deadbeat ever again
- good luck evading responsibility if you change your mind, since it’s as deliberate a process as buying a house
- pod baby will sue if you abandon it, since we currently prosecute people who abuse animals they bought
- no tricking more attractive women into bearing your child or forcing them to marry you because of it
- rapists don’t get the one thing they want, access to a woman’s genetic material, no rape babies or abortions
- you know that shit counts under property, right? Women own their children still and only breed with a man they find suitable for marriage.
- no way to accidentally-on-purpose kill a baby if you hate its mother, pushing her down the stairs will not work.
There’s just thirty.
It is comforting to know we live in a quiet lull of culling forces and none of our ancestors lived in a time of so many stupid people and nor will many of our descendants.
I could go on. Womb envy is real.
Go ahead, gentlemen. Go right ahead.