The buck stops somewhere

I have a few ideas of how to stop the slavery/invader flows.

Tanks and boats and missiles are too expensive. Lead is too good for ’em too.

Look at Russia.

Now, I rarely put on my mustache-twirling supervillian hat, but IF I did….

It would occur to me that the ultimate advantage of Europe, as Vlad Tepes understood is the natural climate.

Place with a lot of wood?

Shit-coated stakes.

Big River? Literally throw in some crocodiles or some shit you can later poach.

These are not actually among the most extreme solutions, we all grew up with cartoon logic and can do it with a little pressing.

If truly in a laughriot mood, set up reality TV cameras next to a fake port that’s actually a sub with hidden guns. The sub slowly sinks… and then you release the sharks or in warmer Greek ports, the piranha.

Maybe a bit too involved, though. We’ll see.

It’s fun to think tactically.

Of course, the most elegant and environmentally friendly solution has already been presented to us.

I wondered why the journalists skirted over what’s been dubbed Winter-Chan and tried to induce a thought-terminating cliche with the Russian Method of repelling invaders.

Well, you deckchair ’em.

You tie them all to deckchairs, powerhose them with that riot intensity gear and leave them out in the winter, maybe with a few wild wolves in the area, a bear or two if we’re being dramatic. A wild hog for japes.

At the bare minimum, a chair and a hose, it’d work. It sounds so stupid, it’d work flawlessly.

I haven’t heard of or considered better from a pragmatic perspective.

You can reuse the deckchairs and unlike all the conspiracies, it costs pennies.

Consider home fortifications by considering the pyramid traps.

They wanted to be here, but like the Big Bad Wolf (which I swear teaches military strategy) that doesn’t mean we have to let them in.

If they’re so equal, they’ll have exactly the same evolutionary adaptations as us to the cold – like the nostril adaptations.

so… There ya go, Putin. It’s a more sophisticated version of what you did to Napoleon and later, his fanboy.

Deckchair ’em.

To really go medieval, there were ducking stools capable of holding multiple participants.

Simply let them swim overnight in one of our fine rivers with their heads above water. Nothing sharp or pointy in sight.

We’re acting as if the army or the people who pay them have no defense options.

Oh…. but we do.

If worst comes to worst, there’s always the pig farm from Snatch.

Looking up the old London gang activities is good fun. Back to the Victorian era until about the 60s.

Teddy boys looked like little ponces but they were hard as nails.

America takes the opposite approach, padding for a game of rugger and all-body camo. That won’t deter an attack, it’ll just clue them in to prepare better and overwhelm you easily. Soft clothes, hard men.

Americans think you need a bomb as big as their insecurities about their circumcised penis. Actually, you can get a lot done with brains, some brawn and a meager budget.

1. Be civil. 2. Be logical or fair. 3. Do not bore me.

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