It ruins your pair bond. Accept it and forgo use (you shouldn’t need medically and do not need psychologically) or don’t complain when you’re a bitter divorcee. A crack addiction is less harmful to marriages than a porn one because crack addicts admit they have a problem and society (including marriage counselors!) doesn’t tell them it’s good for them! A marriage is literally a pair bond enforced with sexual monogamy, there is nothing else. That is what the religious vow and the law bind. They bind the two individuals before there is a bond between them and the marriage is the bond’s maintenance.
It’s considered the man’s duty to keep a marriage good because they are the ones sexually performing. If they cannot perform and maintain the bond, if they are impotent, what marriage is there exactly? This was the Catholic Church’s position!
How does porn ruin marriage? [I hate these posts, might stop doing them.]
Porn user = Incompetent husband. (I’d say the same thing about an addicted wife). You should be working out any kind of sexual energy on the spouse, that’s their role. At least, masturbate in private and not directing those vital energies outside the marital bed.
The male typical skills valued in the marriage are lost.
“her male partner’s low engagement, responsiveness, and accessibility in their relationship was predicted by his pornography use”
Insecure attachment predicts divorce, it can literally simulate a damaged childhood.
“The vital point is that our pair bonding penchant arises from physiological events, not mere social conditioning. It evolved from the infant-caregiver mechanism, and the two mechanisms still overlap in the brain’s reward circuitry. So, even though many Westerners appear to be caught up in a chaotic hook-up culture for the moment, it doesn’t mean that we humans are, by nature, as promiscuous as bonobo chimps or that pair-bonding inclinations are superficial cultural constructs.”
The Sexual Revolution was a lie and water is wet.
“In short, if you are hooking up with multiple partners purely for recreation you could be an outlier. Your behavior is not typical human behavior—a point that is easily overlooked by Western researchers.”
Low historical rates of cuckoldry in Western European genetic ancestry
Suck it, most men and women are NOT cheats and neither were their ancestors.
Honour culture wasn’t a farce.
It’s an addiction, a valid reason to terminate a marriage, Biblical adultery aside.
The heart of all addictions is selfishness.
“Online sexual activities, including pornography use, have drastically increased in recent
years. Many studies have examined the impact that pornography use can have on marriages and
families. One of the key findings has been that pornography use can negatively impact trust in
relationships. This study focused on understanding the mechanisms involved when a husband’s
pornography use negatively impacts his marital relationship and his wife’s emotional well-being“
That’s called emotional abuse.
The selfishness of addiction is such that they will always expect it to go one way. Of course, when you’re married you are no longer an individual and this is why selfishness becomes the worst possible sin. What you take for yourself, you take from your spouse.
A taste of their own medicine may be warranted, since that’s the one way the stupider men can learn if all else fails.
If the woman wants to teach him what it’s like, just flirt with any man more attractive than him when he’s around and tell him it isn’t your fault, it’s evolution. Or sitting there ogling pictures of Channing Tatum in that stripper film, maybe frame it on a wall and stare.
He can’t get defensive, the guy isn’t really there, in the bedroom.
Or masturbate to gay porn where both men are better looking than he is.
It’s just porn, right? No big deal, no reason to get upset. It’s just energy he was never going to require from you anyway, right? It isn’t like you owe him 100% as part of the marriage thing or there’s less to go around for him or there’s an insult against him personally in the act at all. Right?
“(1) a breakdown of expectations and assumptions central to the marriage, (2) a sense of distance or disconnection from their husband and (3) a general sense of being emotionally and psychologically unsafe and insecure in their relationship. Further, it was found that loss of trust was greatly influenced by the sexual nature of pornography and the deceit surrounding its use. These two factors combined to produce a loss of secure attachment, particularly for attachment-oriented and attachment-idealizing wives, who hold the belief that pornography use is not appropriate.”
You don’t get to change the rules after they were agreed upon. You show me one woman who would marry a porn addict if she knew that beforehand.
It’s cheating, the brain doesn’t know the difference. A man who needs porn to get it up or orgasm is impotent, by dictionary definition.
It also used to mean lack of restraint (like a man who cheats…) because the husband’s energy is directed outside the marital unit.
It’s poor performance with a real life woman, the wife in this case.
“A common problem among men characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both. Impotence can vary.
So if they can’t get it up to their wife, but they can still do it to a mistress or porn, they are still impotent. This is basic medical fact. They can train other circuits but there is still an impaired circuit, the only important one.
It can involve a total inability to achieve an erection or ejaculation, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief erections.”
That performance failure of male duty used to be sufficient reason to get divorced when the Catholic Church was in power, that’s how major it is.
The man’s sexual function in a marriage is more important than the wife’s participation. To blame the woman for his chosen addiction is weak.
If he can’t get it up, that’s his body. She isn’t controlling it Svengali style. He needs a doctor.
“Overall, it was found that a husband’s involvement with pornography can result in a lack of emotional, psychological, and physical availability and responsiveness, and a decrease in closeness and intimacy.”
Exactly the same result as literally going out and screwing those women. Note the type of porn they watch is intended for you to replace the male “actor”, it’s psychological cheating.
It’s voyeurism too, would voyeurism IRL not be cheating somehow?
Masturbation isn’t so much the problem, masturbation and pornography use/addiction are completely separate things.
If he can’t masturbate without porn, which is almost always the case… he has a problem.
“Interacting with the impact of deceit, a spouse’s pornography use clearly provides ample opportunity for the breakdown of secure attachment at a level that can be classified as an attachment rupture or trauma.”
Same result as literal adultery. HD videos trick the brain into treating events as real. It’s worse than real actually, it’s a supernormal stimulus. He wouldn’t film himself screwing one of those women, would he? No, that would seem extreme…..
The term emotional infidelity is useful here.
Love and cherish?
“Analyses uncovered three attachment-related impacts from husbands’ pornography use and deception: (1) the development of an attachment fault line in the relationship, stemming from perceived attachment infidelity; (2) followed by a widening attachment rift arising from wives’ sense of distance and disconnection from their husbands; (3) culminating in attachment estrangement from a sense of being emotionally and psychologically unsafe in the relationship. Overall, wives reported global mistrust indicative of attachment breakdown.
Well, escalation involves going out and literally re-enacting it. So yes, practice?
If a spouse practiced murdering you for fun, you’d feel less safe. This abandonment threat is very real and backed up by all metrics, as you’ll see.
Building on this data, we build an attachment-informed model of effects of pornography use and concomitant deception in the pair-bond relationship.”
Pornography is literally clinically damaging to the user.
It does cause ED (PC term for impotence, amazing how men resent un-PC terms on anything relating to them…)
“Traditional factors that once explained men’s sexual difficulties appear insufficient to account for the sharp rise in erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, decreased sexual satisfaction, and diminished libido during partnered sex in men under 40.”
“Alterations to the brain’s motivational system are explored as a possible etiology underlying pornography-related sexual dysfunctions.”
Aforementioned training of responses.
“This review also considers evidence that Internet pornography’s unique properties (limitless novelty, potential for easy escalation to more extreme material, video format, etc.) may be potent enough
I see what you did there. Subtle. I like it.
to condition sexual arousal to aspects of Internet pornography use that do not readily transition to real-life partners, such that sex with desired partners may not register as meeting expectations and arousal declines.”
Husband’s sexual failure. He might as well cut it off, as far as his wife’s concerned, because he’s preventing her from working with it by breaking its healthy function.
She literally cannot do her job, far from it being her fault.
He also makes his own satisfaction impossible, which is deserved all things considered.
It’s like a cocaine user complaining their nose doesn’t work.
Cause and effect doesn’t stop at particles, mate.
“Clinical reports suggest that terminating Internet pornography use is sometimes sufficient to reverse negative effects, underscoring the need for extensive investigation using methodologies that have subjects remove the variable of Internet pornography use.
Translation: they don’t want to look “sex negative” i.e. medically realistic.
If a sex therapist tells you to use porn to spice up your marriage, run.
They make more money off divorced sluts, remember!
I mean, if Elon can be turned off by Amber, this is some major shit we’re dealing with here. Impotence isn’t really a laughing matter. Okay, maybe one prod…
Hardness! Hardness! My billions for some consistent hardness!
Had to get that out of my system. In many cases, the original cause is guilt and the outcome is depression. Since the cause is guilt, the depression is never resolved. Therapists are pussies in this century.
In the interim, a simple diagnostic protocol for assessing patients with porn-induced sexual dysfunction is put forth.”
Translation: we know it’s bad but we don’t know what to do.
Porn addiction and brain damage
“A significant postulate of this commentary is that all addictions create, in addition to chemical changes in the brain, anatomical and pathological changes which result in various manifestations of cerebral dysfunction collectively labeled hypofrontal syndromes. In these syndromes, the underlying defect, reduced to its simplest description, is damage to the “braking system” of the brain. They are well known to clinical neuroscientists, especially neurologists and neurosurgeons, for they are also seen with tumors, strokes, and trauma. Indeed, anatomically, loss of these frontal control systems is most apparent following trauma, exemplified by progressive atrophy of the frontal lobes seen in serial MRI scans over time.”
In short, no, they cannot make the decision for themselves to continue its use.
That’s like letting a suicidal person cut themselves, also an addiction.
No, they are not allowed that choice. It isn’t a choice. They have to stop.
I know it’s hard. Or at least it would be, if they’d stop.
Compare it to a bad sex diet.
” Ironically, a common correlate of pornography use has been found to be a damaged marital sex life.”
No, it makes them worse lovers. Obviously it would, it’s calling doing it not watching it.
Porn has no educational value. There are books and damn, cartoons even depicting and describing positions. Women have no problem viewing those and magazines are full of them. You aren’t supposed to be distracting yourself with masturbation while studying.
“Elliott and Umberson (2008) investigated this very subject, the nature of sex in marriage, and found that 94% of their participants established that sex is a keystone and integral part of marital success; and furthermore, describe sex as a barometer of the health of their marriage.
No, it isn’t just orgasms. It isn’t just sex.
Consequently, marital sexuality also creates a context for potential harm where that vulnerability is not held by one spouse with complete fidelity and trustworthiness.“
Porn’s purpose is clear, it’s cheating intellectually. It’s reverse cuckoldry, in a way. They get off, but on the fact they’re picturing themselves doing it with another, instead of actually viewing their Other with someone else. They’re poles apart but very similar.
“Many authors (Brezsnyak & Whisman, 2004; Regan, 2000: Sprecher, 2002; Leavitt & Willoughby, 2015) have found that sexual desire plays an integral role in the marital satisfaction. Consistently, respondents who perceive their marriage to be “happy,” report creating positive experiences within their relationships, tend to label sexual interactions as one way to facilitate and nurture closeness and intimacy with their partners (Impett, Strachman, Finkel, & Gable, 2008).”
My advice to those women is to stream gay porn constantly without doing anything. After all, it’s “entertainment”, like a film? No need to object.
I cannot be bothered to look up any more for now.
The fact this is a subject of discussion is ridiculous, none of you have bothered to look it up.
In medical terms, a thing is harmful until proven healthy. That’s never going to happen with porn but they tried.
“A review of the research that does exist was undertaken and many negative trends were revealed. While much remains unknown about the impact of Internet pornography on marriages and families, the available data provide an informed starting point for policy makers, educators, clinicians, and researchers.”
Men are pathetic in direct proportion to their sexual desperation.
Porn is causing that, all the attributes of the pajama boy.
It weakens you as men.
Back to the under-covered attachment thing, briefly.
A few studies on how insecure attachment styles (like those caused by porn) make divorce almost a dead-cert. The marriage is over the first time you click online instead of turning to your spouse, really.
“attachment style, as a personality trait, has implications for the higher divorce rate. The purpose of this study was to explore the relationship between attachment style and marrying multiple times. The findings indicate that multiple marriers are more likely to be avoidantly attached and less likely to be anxiously attached. Additionally, those marrying for the first time to a previously married person have similar insecure attachment Styles.”
Like attracts like.
“Husbands’ lower initial level of marital satisfaction measured around the first child’s transition to school was the only significant predictor of marital dissolution.”
Yep, the dude’s fault again.
“In one study of dating relationships, Kirkpatrick and Hazan (1994) found that in a 4-year period, individuals with a secure attachment style had more stable and committed relationships than those with insecure attachment styles. A 31-year longitudinal study (Klohnen & Bera, 1998) revealed similar results.”
You might say, oh, but how do we know porn is making it worse? A fair objection. The methodology would be unpopular but ethical and possible. You study the child’s attachment when it forms and record it throughout the teens, also recording initiation into pornography addiction. If previously secure boys become insecurely attached men, porn is literally ruining men for women by reducing the husband qualities required.
Study women too, that’s fair. It’s just hardly any will statistically count as porn addicts.
If women are to follow their husbands in anything, they must feel supported.
This study revealed that low levels of perceived spousal support among women characterized as ambivalent were associated with significant declines in marital satisfaction for both the women and their husbands.
Porn takes that away, as studies above show. This is not a minor point. It would be like going to a mechanic that hates cars or a hydrophobic plumber. If something’s wrong, you’d leave it to fester.
How does it work?
The woman senses this emptiness from the man first before he feels the effect on the pair bond between the two of them.
“Another possibility is that attachment security buffers against declines in marital satisfaction, such that the differences between secure and insecure individuals become larger over time.”
It would make sense to spot insecurity early and seek treatment. In a eugenic society.
However, a spouse who brings it on themselves merits no sympathy for the choice they know will harm their partner.
The second possibility (buffers) because insecure children also present problems that are consistent and grow over time.
“insecure infants are at an increased risk for behavioral disturbances, poor peer relations”
I don’t think you can pin that on a spouse they don’t have?
This study extends the existing adult literature on insecure attachment as a predictor of depression and anxiety by examining these pathways in a sample of adolescents. In addition, dysfunctional attitudes and low self-esteem were tested as mediators of the association between insecure attachment and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Youth (N =350; 6th–10th graders) completed self-report measures of attachment, dysfunctional attitudes, self-esteem, and symptoms of depression and anxiety in a 4-wave prospective study. Results indicate that anxious and avoidant attachment each predicted changes in both depression and anxiety (after controlling for initial symptom levels). The association between anxious attachment, but not avoidant attachment, and later internalizing symptoms was mediated by dysfunctional attitudes and low self-esteem. Effects remained even after controlling for initial co-occurring symptoms.
Also no spouse to blame.
Imagine if women had some ailment with their mammary glands and blamed their husband. Impotent men who blame the wife are insane, it’s completely disconnected from reality.
In fact, improper attachment may contribute to mental diseases.
Specifically, we review research findings showing that attachment insecurity is a major contributor to mental disorders, and that the enhancement of attachment security can facilitate amelioration of psychopathology.
Yes, they can make their spouse suffer. The personality changes caused by the porn are inherently abusive, more in common with a psychopath (psychopaths are almost entirely porn-addicted).
It’s the brain.
Recent models have moved towards the incorporation of neurodevelopmental, biological and psychosocial approaches to human development. Consequently, there has been a significant conceptual shift, where social experience is currently seen to play a role in shaping the biology and genetic programming of human development,
hence any damage from minors viewing porn is at least somewhat permanent
This is not a church lady problem, it’s worse than drugging kids who hate school. Those seldom cause damage like that, it’s psychological circumcision. It’s horrifying. Addictions disable the mind.
The priming to bring in young boys too, by showcasing schoolgirls. The grooming element of that, imagine a parade of schoolboy porn*, the MRAs would have a field day. Imagine that was considered normal in society, how sick that society must be.
*If it does exist, don’t tell me. Please, I’ve suffered enough.
rather than the simple ‘unfolding’ of a predetermined sequence of developmental stages. In the case of human infants, developmental models need to account for the increasingly recognised contribution of the infant to the social environment and their capacity to interact with and shape environmental responses.
Training. Training their own brain by their chosen habits.
The resilience required of a spouse, especially a husband, is wanting.
“According to Sroufe (2000), securely attached children are fundamentally different from those classified as insecurely attached. At two years of age, they are more likely to be enthusiastic and persistent in solving easy tasks”
Useful in a marriage….
“Secure school-age children are more sympathetic to peer distress, more assertive about getting their needs met, more likely to be leaders, are better prepared for school”
Useful skills in a future husband.
insecure attachments (i.e., “attachment trauma”)
A child with a history of an insecure attachment may struggle with trusting the intentions and emotional responsiveness of others
So ironically they cause this in spouses with deceitful and demeaning behaviours (including requests of humiliating performance from the spouse to compete with literal whores) pushing them away to validate the paranoia. Yes, that’s what borderlines do too. It’s sadistic. They enjoy breaking people. Testing their limits, crushing their self-respect.
may learn to cope with stressful stimuli by inhibiting strong feelings
Cheating of any sort is a punishment to the existing spouse. Passive aggression is still aggression.
are more likely to have behavior problems, poor peer relations, and lack resilience
problems includes addictions, FYI
Resilience is the number one required quality in a husband.