Something I don’t want to mock, excellent!
You’d think for the part of the internet that goes on, and on, and ON about victim complex, they’d also cover literally the other half?
“If you want to be the savior, you’re essentially saying to your partner that you see them as a project to be fixed.
Even if the challenge of their flaws isn’t the primary reason you’re attracted to them and even if they want your help, it still sends the message that you think they need to improve and better themselves somehow.
First of all, you’re dating someone, not flipping a house. You might convince them to make minor lifestyle changes, but you can’t expect them to completely overhaul themselves. It’s a little bit condescending to treat them as your personal pet project.
Unless you’re at least psychologically healthy, don’t. Sick people make other sick people even sicker.
Maybe they do want to make changes. Maybe they do have a certain goal in mind. That’s great. Allow them to accomplish something on their own. You can support them without spoon-feeding them.”
Don’t throw off the power dynamic, it’s unhealthy and neither one will be happy.
“You’re their partner, not their parent.”
And there it is.
Paging Doctor Freud…
“Second of all, your partner might be perfectly fine with the way they are and not want to make any changes. If you look for flaws as a means of finding a purpose or direction for the relationship, that speaks more to issues you might want to address within yourself.”
This is a male problem in particular. Hoe > Housewife? Hoe isn’t short for housewife.
They’re a person, they aren’t a broken car. Fix, repair, review are not words you apply to people.
You need to like them and they need to relax and be human around you without panicking you’re jotting a performance review in your head.
You may laugh but I’ve seen a lot of men do just that and wonder why every woman resents them. They intellectualize their controlling tendencies for ego. Golden rule, dudes. They never ‘improve’ other men.
Rescuers have a condition, the expectation you’ll save them back. In abundance of their effort.
It isn’t altruistic unless you mean the pathological kind. It’s calculating and dishonest.
This is why you pay therapists, the motive to help is clear.
If one person is Dad, but Tyrannical Dad, and always right, you’re wrong to be with them. They don’t want a relationship, they don’t want to relate and be vulnerable, they want an assistant.
If they can’t see themselves clearly, they can’t see you over their issues.
“Your partner is not your therapist, nor are they obligated to heal your past wounds.”
Where do they learn this? Ally McBeal?
I’ve seen men complain woman B, C, D… was evil because they didn’t ‘prove’ they were different from woman A. That’s an issue with woman A. Your issue. Especially if she’s your mother. Without woman A, you’d see those others clearly. They’ll never fix it or admit they seek rescue because it would mean being humble and accepting weakness or wounds. Avoiding help isn’t impressive, ’tis but a scratch, right?
Don’t get me started on the ones so jaded and terrible they’ve managed to turn the greatest thing in LIFE, into a child’s game.
Better to punch yourself in the nuts repeatedly, it’d hurt less.
Even if you do save them, what then? You have nothing in common anymore.
If they’re perfect, why would they stick around with you, the one who thought they were broken, instead of moving onto someone better? Objectively better.
Why hate on fairytales? The originals were hardcore. Anyone who believes the Disneyfied versions is already too simple to educate.