Parental absence lowers child happiness and intelligence

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/312357880_The_Effect_of_Parental_Absence_on_Child_Development_in_Rural_China_The_Effect_of_Parental_Absence_on_Child_Development

This includes emotional absence, re-marriage abandonment (abuse) and being ‘busy’ at work.

This study estimates the effect of parental absence on the development of children in rural China. Although some previous studies have looked into the effect of parental absence on children’s academic achievements, we investigate the effects of parental absence on both the cognitive and non-cognitive skills of children. Our results show that parental absence during early child development mostly incurs negative effects on the academic achievement and non-cognitive development of children. A child whose parents are both absent tends to have lower Chinese and mathematics test scores, lower self-assessment on his/her behavior, and is less likely to be happy and satisfied. A gender difference is also observed in the effect of parental absence: girls suffer more from the effect of both parents being absent on their mathematics test scores than do boys.

Remember, neglect is a form of child abuse.

A parent working over-time for their ego doesn’t actually care for the child.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/11/151130084008.htm

We looked at children who were left behind with relatives when the parents left to seek employment far from home.”

For the study, which was led by Professor Su Lui and conducted at the Second Affiliated Hospital & Yuying Children’s Hospital of Wenzhou Medical University, MRI exams from 38 left-behind girls and boys (ages 7 to 13) were compared to MRI exams from a control group of 30 girls and boys (ages 7 to 14) living with their parents. The researchers then compared the gray matter volume between the two groups and measured the intelligence quotient (IQ) of each participant to assess cognitive function.

The researchers found larger gray matter volumes in multiple brain regions, especially in emotional brain circuitry, in the left-behind children compared to children living with their parents. The mean value of IQ scores in left-behind children was not significantly different from that of controls, but the gray matter volume in a brain region associated with memory encoding and retrieval was negatively correlated with IQ score.

Since larger gray matter volume may reflect insufficient pruning and maturity of the brain, the negative correlation between the gray matter volume and IQ scores suggests that growing without parental care may delay brain development.

Both parents.

Skipping out to work all the time to get out of the house is still neglectful. We have the MRIs.

They have to do, like 1/3 of the parenting at least, some interactions.

“Our study provides the first empirical evidence showing that the lack of direct parental care alters the trajectory of brain development in left-behind children,” Xiao said. “Public health efforts are needed to provide additional intellectual and emotional support to children left behind by parents.”

Or shame the parents who think a promotion is more important than children.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3904543/

This is the red pill.

The Causal Effects of Father Absence

[not inc. if he was actively abusive if present, obviously]

The literature on father absence is frequently criticized for its use of cross-sectional data and methods that fail to take account of possible omitted variable bias and reverse causality. We review studies that have responded to this critique by employing a variety of innovative research designs to identify the causal effect of father absence, including studies using lagged dependent variable models, growth curve models, individual fixed effects models, sibling fixed effects models, natural experiments, and propensity score matching models. Our assessment is that studies using more rigorous designs continue to find negative effects of father absence on offspring well-being, although the magnitude of these effects is smaller than what is found using traditional cross-sectional designs. The evidence is strongest and most consistent for outcomes such as high school graduation, children’s social-emotional adjustment, and adult mental health.

https://adc.bmj.com/content/103/7/691

Parental absence in early childhood and onset of smoking and alcohol consumption before adolescence

Parental absence was associated with early uptake of risky health behaviours in a large, nationally representative UK cohort. Children who experience parental absence should be supported in early life in order to prevent smoking and alcohol initiation.

Pre-teen degeneracy. They’re also likelier to sleep around, do other drugs and commit crime but I’ve posted how that’s most common in mixed race kids before. Racial confound.

R-selected children with neglectful fathers (or mothers, and/or both) are lower quality per child than they otherwise would be. There’s no ‘sowing oats’ and novelty-seeking when you have kids, total myth. Normalizes child abuse.

Good men versus porn addict liars

Prime example why women need social protection.

Christians need to talk about this or our own group is a sitting, gullible duck.

Lies have legal consequences.
http://www.lovewhatmatters.com/im-that-girl-that-spent-6-months-with-a-ring-on-her-finger-that-girl-that-planned-an-entire-wedding-only-to-find-out-a-week-prior-it-was-all-a-lie/

A few obvious points, obvious to fellow K-types.

Never marry an addict.
Porn is cheating.  (see Bible)
Porn destroys marriages. (because adultery is the thrill)

“The coldest thing I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life is the lying eyes of the man I love, gazing deep into my soul as multiple lies rolled from his lips. He knew it was all a lie, but for some reason, he could look at the woman he claimed to love so dearly straight in her eyes, and lie to her face. I never knew until that moment how unconsciously cold a single person could be.”

A liar for years? Congratulations, you avoided a miserable marriage to a filthy narcissist. Being married to one of those (m/f) can make you wish you were dead, if you read countless online accounts, so God was protecting you from that.

To lie multiple times (and every day) plus once caught? Narc.
Possibly psychopath, since he only seemed to value her as a status object (wife).

Good women can still be treated like dirt by burned out r-types pretending to be traditional to cash out and “have it all” (but once the novelty has worn off, they cheat and get divorced anyway, they just wanted the status – women can do it too). Women have a right to know and avoid bad marriage prospects. (As do good men from bad women).

betrayal trauma occurs when someone we depend on for survival or are significantly attached to, violates our trust in a critical way.”

A divorce would be Christian in this case, if they had married because 1. he was depicting himself in “false light”, she didn’t know who she was marrying. Plus the abuse psychologically from the cheating (2, betrayal trauma) and the addiction itself (3, which causes brain damage).

He portrayed himself as a good, honest man to trick her into legal wedlock.

Good honest women need to be protected from this type. She was true.

He didn’t even know what love is!

Makeup you can wash off. Lies void contracts. His narc mirroring caused her emotional bond, she never really fell for him because there is no him. There’s nothing in there! No person!

Narcs prefer to bond with empaths so good women must be especially vigilant. They assume you’ll be like a replacement mother figure and never leave them, you see. There’s logic. Whatever abuse, a mother’s love is eternal.

You can’t have a good marriage and Christian life + children with an r-type.

They are never satisfied in ANY marriage, it’s the nature of personality disease!

If they could change, they’d have done it before you met or they’d be prudent enough to never get an addiction in the first place.

Narcissists run the Bird with a Broken Wing routine, don’t fall for it.

Send them to a shrink, don’t play Mommy! Your husband is supposed to be the one caring for YOU.

Professionals have to train and gain the ability to prescribe serious meds for this! You can’t talk it out!

The level of psychopathic disdain to lie to her and plan this deception over years…. likely psychopath.

I bet he randomly showed up at a church to go wife-hunting (yes, hunting) because a PUA forum told him to. AVOID the crazy. Peeple was a good idea – as a courtship app. It replicates an honour culture, where reputation is well known.

Imagine hiring a business partner and finding out they have a criminal record. Like that only a very intimate betrayal. Possibly rape by fraud. Possibly. Note her disgust at the mask drop. Solid K response.

Psychopaths’ MO is to hide who they really are (for years) until AFTER the marriage. So you can’t run.

All other mental illness typically presents before a wedding so a psycho is literally every man/woman’s worst nightmare as a fiance/e.

Get a background check. If they get defensive, immediately break it off.

False light on wikipedia doesn’t discuss marital fraud anymore (bring it back, Trump!) but there are others.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misrepresentation

misrepresentation is an untrue or misleading[1] statement of fact made during negotiations by one party to another, the statement then inducing that other party into the contract.[2][3]

Marriage is a contract.

Legally binding.

The misled party may normally rescind the contract, and sometimes may be awarded damages as well (or instead of rescission).

https://info.legalzoom.com/meant-fraud-grounds-divorce-24925.html

Fraud
The definition of fraud in the context of divorce law varies between states. Generally, it means that one spouse grossly misrepresented issues so important that the other spouse would not have married him had she known the truth. For example, when a husband tells his wife before they married that he had never been married before and she discovers after the marriage that he was lying. His lie about his previous marriage may be considered fraud, especially if the wife can show that she would not have married him had she known this was his second marriage. Little white lies usually do not constitute fraud.”

Precisely. Christian expectations for a Christian marriage. It’s very simple.

Lies have legal consequences, degenerates.

Marriage is all about who/what you are. You lie about that, clear-cut case of fraud. K-types deserve legal protection. R-types shouldn’t care because they don’t want to marry!

Do we have to get them to sign a legal disclaimer that they haven’t falsely represented themselves?

Isn’t the marriage contract enough?

Lovebombing in romantic connections

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201703/the-manipulative-partners-most-devious-tactic

This isn’t news and I’ve mentioned it before.

The article mentions narcissists and sociopaths as typical predators who use this technique.

Yes, it’s also a PUA one.

However, many sociopaths are actually misdiagnosed borderlines and male borderlines try to control when their fear of abandonment kicks in. In effect, the lovebombing is a bribe – how can you leave me after all I did for you?

Sounds a little better when they re-tell it than:
I won’t let you leave!
We’ll be together forever!*

They miss out their long list of conditions, “*as long as you put up with my…..”.

That’s not love, folks.

It’s just a form of compulsive lying.

It uses romance (courtship gestures, that have requirements, they aren’t empty displays like Americans think) to get close to a person, in their head actually.

They’re the guys who went around claiming to be Nice, when they really mean – manipulating with flowers, like the classic deadbeat husband that buys flowers every time he cheats. It’s the reason women are suspect to ‘nice’ guys. If they’ve gotta tell ya… force that belief in through a wedge… our EQ kicks in.
Their defense is flawless, to other parties, the fault lies with you for rejecting their affection – what’s wrong with you? Society tells you these displays are always wanted, good and sincere. Well, Disney tells us that, it teaches us romance is guileless.

Ha.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201707/6-common-traits-narcissists-and-gaslighters

It’s a type of gaslighting, forcing certain beliefs into them.

i.e.

If they’re your soulmate, surely you don’t have to convince them?

If you have a long future to look forward to, then you’ll be around to plan it, you don’t need to keep mentioning it?

It’s cult behaviour but between two people.

You believe this, yes? You believe this because We believe this.

Note one party loses their identity but the other gets to retain their individuality, full freedoms and gain a newfound sense of control over the other…. that isn’t love, that’s slavery.

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Adult

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201611/10-signs-emotionally-immature-adult

Little Prince (or Princess) Syndrome, when it occurs in adulthood, is also known as Peter Pan Syndrome.”
Little Prince (or Princess) Syndrome is related to, but not identical to, Emperor Syndrome, a term is primarily used to describe Chinese boys with no siblings who behave like little tyrants.”

Unfair, Princess Syndrome is more common with the Chinese women at present. You don’t see Chinese men giggling and running round big Chanel stores with their friends on Daddy’s credit card.

“Little Princes and Princesses, as I define them, are grown men or women who act as if they are selfish children, narcissistic teenagers, or irresponsible young adults, and feel entitled to behave as they see fit. Following are 10 traits typical of someone living with Little Prince or Princess Syndrome. (For simplicity’s sake, I use the term Little Prince below, and refer to the role of mothers, not father, but the signs are applicable to all genders.)”

A selection;

He acts like a child, a teenager, or a person who is much younger than he is. He might throw temper tantrums or party all night with people 10 years younger than him.

He acts as if women should serve him. He expects to be taken care of and be pampered on demand. He will happily take but never give.

He cannot maintain a long-term, stable romantic relationship. Former partners end up becoming his enemies or new playmates.

He is commitment-phobic in nearly all areas of life—despite having a needy attachment style. It can take him six months to commit to buying a new sofa.

I have seen that.
My words-
“It’s a sofa, you can dump it.”

They see their possessions as an extension of them.
Possessions include people.

If you don’t make them look good, you’re gone.
The excuse is usually pleasing others, so they also look good to you. B.S.

Btw, Asians invented ghosting. You made less money? You missed a promotion? They forget to send you a dinner party invite. It makes you wonder if they’re capable of the friendship thing with one another too.

He is often passive-aggressive, meaning he has a tendency to engage in an indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks.

They are not subtle.
Have you ever met a subtle man?… I rest my case.

He is a narcissist or exhibits a childish selfishness. If something is even mildly inconvenient, he will resist doing it.

Emotional child.

He rarely thinks anything is his fault. He blames everyone around him for everything that goes wrong in his life—even his mother if he can’t find another scapegoat.”

Victim blaming, victim mentality… tendency to complain about victim culture because they think they’re entitled to that pity, not that it’s wrong. Whiny and lots of nagging, like an old woman.

If you find this useful, you might find these too.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/is-america/201601/con-artists-and-their-marks

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201610/9-classic-traits-manipulative-people

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201609/meet-the-real-narcissists-theyre-not-what-you-think
“For example, he suggests, some narcissists can be of the “communal” variety and actually devote their lives to helping others. They might even agree with such statements as “I’m the most helpful person I know,” or “I will be known for the good deeds I have done.” “Everyone has met grandiosely altruistic martyrs, self-sacrificing to the point where you can’t stand to be in the room with them,” Malkin says.

And there are highly introverted, or “vulnerable,” narcissists. These individuals feel they are more temperamentally sensitive than others. They react poorly to even gentle criticism and need constant reassurance. The way they feel special might actually be negative: They may see themselves as the ugliest person at the party or feel like a misunderstood genius in a world that refuses to recognize their gifts.”

They can’t back up their claims and if you compare them, they’re usually average. Pointing this out triggers narc rage.

They don’t just ‘use’ others, they use others as…. it’s instrumental.

They cannot self-regulate, they use other people as emotional tampons (especially men) and require excess ‘take’ and their giving is inferior, low quality but they over-value it because *they* are dispensing it. Thinking you’re special is in your actions, not a set of words. Tend to idolize others too, broken perceptions.

Friendzoning man still feels entitlement

It isn’t just men, it isn’t just women, people suck!

http://elitedaily.com/dating/say-to-girl-benched/1725357/

“I mean, granted, I was never ready mentally, emotionally, or financially, but all I needed was time. I’m still not all the way there yet, but I’m ready to work.”

>When men in their thirties claim to be ‘figuring stuff out’ like an immature teenage girl…
Is he going on a juice cleanse? Backpacking round India? Converting to Buddhism? New gym membership? Read a great self-help book about Positive Thinking TM? Starting an online store for supplements?

You’re supposed to have figured out how to adult as a teenager.

When you’re double that age, it’s frankly humiliating.

“One day, I was going to take things seriously. I just wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready, but please don’t move on. I had it all planned out in my head. The timing just wasn’t right, I promise.”

Emotional abuse for $200 aka Let me gaslight you into doubting your own, accurate impression of me and treat you like shit because I wanna get away with being a terrible person.


R-types believe they can have their cake and eat it aka the Have it All lifestyle.
Life is all about timing, either you snatch up the good while it’s there or it will go. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

People pair up very quickly by around thirty. It’s like musical chairs in reverse. There are chairs but they’re kinda sticky.

“You knew that one day it would be you and me. So you waited patiently.”

That’s called friendship.
Women don’t wait around like that unless they’re crazy, like creepy men.

Sane people have personal boundaries and don’t allowed themselves to be used.

He thought he was playing her for emotional companionship and later, sex and wifing up, but that friendship was all she wanted. Classic!

“You seem happy. I hope you are because I’m not. I mean I’m happy for you. But I feel like sh*t. That gorgeous smile I see is the product of someone else’s doing.”

Narcissism. Furious that others are having fun without them.

“I can make your smile wider, though! I’m the only one who literally has you dying laughing, adding the extra O’s to your LMAO.”

That is the most 21st century male thing I have ever heard.
Men used to promise to conquer empires, dammit. That is plain pathetic.

He’s not even offering to cook her dinner.

SOME-THING.

I think this is why she was relieved he kept it at a friendship level.
She dodged 7 bullets out of a 6-chamber gun.

Women notice how you treat us, I covered this in detail. If we’re your friend and see other women being treated like shit, the sexual attraction DIES. RIP. NEVER COMING BACK. This is why we have the higher EQ.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/women-notice-how-you-treat-the-rest-of-us/

“It’s my bad. I waited too long. I played around. I thought you would always be there. I took you for granted. I’m sorry.”

False remorse, yep. *checks off list*

https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/shame-guilt-regret-remorse-and-contrition/
“By definition, character-impaired folks have deficient or sometimes even absent consciences. So, genuine remorse is usually not in their vocabulary when they do things that hurt others. They might well have some regret for the practical consequences of their actions, but that’s not at all the same as being remorseful. And, because they are predisposed to use their typical ways of coping (e.g., denying, lying, “justifying,”blaming, etc.) to deal with situational stressors, while they might experience momentary regret over an adverse consequence of their behavior, they usually only dig in their heels and become more determined than ever to have their way, primarily because they lack remorse. That’s precisely why they don’t seem to learn from experience. They actually do learn, and learn plenty. They just don’t learn the lessons we’d like them to learn. It’s because of their lack of remorse that they don’t re-assess their general approach to things and seriously consider modifying their style…”

They learn to fuck you over better next time.

Guilt is feeling bad about something you’ve done, whereas shame is feeling bad about who you are. The popular wisdom for some time has been that guilt is both essential and often helpful to moral functioning but shame is to be avoided because it’s counterproductive at best or outright toxic at worst. Some folks have extended the meaning of shame to include feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, or disgrace. But shame is not synonymous with any of these things (Words have to have meanings and it’s important to distinguish terms). And only recently have some researchers bucked the long popular trend by presenting evidence that some shame can indeed be good.”

He’d love to claim she cheated – on what, is the question begged.

To get this straight as a ruler;

guilt > for actions

shame > for persons

embarrassment > temporary, minor

humiliation > major, self-involved

disgraced > permanent, major, social damage to reputation

e.g. If you cheat on your spouse they are humiliated, if the neighbours find out they are also disgraced.

“Deep down, I’m hoping it doesn’t work out. I’m hoping he messes up — not to the point that he hurts you or to the point that you become bitter and maybe even take it out on me.”

translation:

me me me me me me me me me
but I care about you

This is why women have such concepts as toxic people and frenemies.
They hurt and sabotage you.

“But even worse than all of that is the fact that I’m old, lonely, and full of regret.”

Not her fault.

Come home when you get a chance. I’ll be here.”

Oh, fuck off.

Maybe.”

Kill yourself.

Please.

I didn’t edit that either, it really is that shallow. Check.

Easy men are not hard to get, they don’t get to play hard to get. Coyness is not attractive in a man, it’s commitment phobia. That’s the feminine role.

His earlier article:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/real-reason-guys-bench-girls/1542893/

“Benching”-when men friendzone wife material to pursue slags on the Pussy Parade but don’t want to admit to friendzoning.

“Some girls might call this a fuckboy activity or whatever.”
r-types.

#shudder

Don’t describe me as I am.

“There was never any pressure. Whenever we did link up, we had a non-sexual good time.”

They feel sexually entitled to everything – including platonic friends.
It’s like the so-called alpha widow or a retired porn star.
‘I’m damaged but you should want me even more because blah blah blah magic cheat code word experience.’
Mental damage is certainly an experience.
Bad relationships teach you bad lessons, abusive ones.

To continue seeking out other shitty people (his level) shows he learnt nothing after the first one.

Fool me once…

Once is a mistake, twice, a choice.

“…………….Bench carefully.”

He doesn’t tell men not to, he says not to keep stringing good women along for too long.
What an absolute POS.
Yes, he deserves to be alone.

I’ve seen too many good women lap this bullshit up and wonder why they get cheated on, married.

You can’t change him, you haven’t changed him, this isn’t a fairytale.

These posts are a PSA in avoiding crazy.

Traits of toxic people and PUA/’game’ gaslighting

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201608/8-common-traits-the-toxic-people-in-your-life
” They focus on problems, not solutions.”
e.g. Critical theory and being ‘unhelpful’ for…?
“They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be.”
e.g. PUAs. Formal term is triangulation, they tell you what you want to hear.
“They make you prove yourself to them.” You only qualify yourself to a superior, peer must be assumed until proven and isn’t based on a demographic factor, it’s individual. In the reverse…
e.g. Everyone who says, in effect ‘I dislike your opinion, so you’re part of outgroup’, a no true scotsman.
“Beware of people who find fault with you and make you wrong. Loyalty is foreign to them.”
They’re never wrong, are they? 😀
“Toxic people often make you want to fix them and their problems. They want you to feel sorry for them, and responsible for what happens to them. Yet their problems are never really solved, for once you’ve helped them with one crisis, there’s inevitably another one. What they really want is your ongoing sympathy and support, and they will create one drama after another in order to get it. “Fixing” and “saving” them never works, especially since you probably care more about what happens to them than they do.”

It’s good I already mentioned pick-up and ‘game’ because it actually follows the stages of gaslighting abuse.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201704/the-7-stages-gaslighting-in-relationships

I’ll illustrate with examples, where possible.
1. Women are worthless. Counter: then why are you obsessed with them? You don’t base your life around something worthless. [They don’t want women to be happy without them and without being their hookers, hence the contradiction with the Western value of liberty and tradition of not being promiscuous and degenerate (applies to both sexes). They implicitly believe ‘Women should be forced to sleep with me’. Hold up there, Mohammed! They bought into the lie of porn – all women want you and they’re ‘playing hard to get’. Sexual entitlement is the secret of a loser’s desperation. The women in porn are paid to act interested, even they’re not. They also conveniently forget a supposedly desirable harem is marriage, with Middle Eastern duties on the man, the man is 100% financially responsible and the women don’t work. They refuse to get married once and object to that polygamy because it reduces nubile supply.]
2. Women are (various bad things, implying men are not). No proof, no comparison of data from both sexes. Long opinion pieces. Counter: Differentiate that from sexism. [Third-wave Feminists do this stuff too, but everyone’s already explaining that.] Negging doesn’t even work, just look at their ‘success rate’. The terms are so Orwell.
3. (They literally tell their followers –cult– to escalate whatever criticism comes their way after attention-whoring –peacocking-, so I don’t need to put anything here. They literally use the word escalate, even when what they’re escalating e.g. ‘kino’, code for physical contact, is illegal aka assault). Search PUA+game+”escalate”
4. Aside from continuation long after it’s socially acceptable, stalking, doxing and harassment, I’d also include dogpiles and other ways to get their internet boyfriends involved to keep punching down. Because punching down, 5 or more against 1 is so much better? ‘Amused mastery’ isn’t what it sounds like, it’s the denial and dickishness women uncannily and universally despise about just these guys, since they refuse to admit any useful point (brick wall) and deny-deny-deny while claiming women are the ones denying reality. They laugh at the frustration, like children, oblivious to how stupid they objectively look (also to other men).
5. Google “dread game” it’s literally this stage. Seriously.
6. ‘Beta game’ aka pretending to be a decent person for a little while. Narcissists do this already but male borderlines need to be told how to imitate it, to get the supply they need. Most ‘game’ is feigning K-selected characteristics that are evolutionally desirable while hiding what they really are, that’s why they burn out like the psychopaths they stupidly admire – it’s one big act. They pretend being fake men for years is a strength and sunk cost means they never admit it. That’s what all the ‘macho man’ fake masculinity spiel is, they’re trying to convince themselves of the delusion. Ask them how their mother’s doing. Better yet, ask her WTH happened.
7. Look up all the quotes and forum topics on ‘game’ sites describing all women as whores that want to be raped and choked, specifically. Sometimes beaten, with fists or a belt. They really do think this, they’ve projected all their desensitized sick porn habits on the Evil Lilith Judaism myth. Men don’t dominate women, they never have, they work with women on mutually agreed upon goals, the sexes cooperate or those examples die. They’re thinking of sexual domination because they don’t think with Upstairs Brain.

In effect, these males want sex slavery without the balls to run their own life, a Mommy replacement. Remember, one of Mohammed’s ‘wives’ (captive slaves) poisoned him.

They’re not joking when they say they don’t want women to have rights because they don’t see women as human. In which case, their sexuality is dubious (bestiality? which religion is that common to again?) and they can’t expect women to do any work, including childcare. Let alone their ‘share’ of the housework.

‘Game’ proponents pretend to teach the socially inept how to find wife material. They lie to other men to make shekels and seem respectable. That’s why I did the still-popular post on What does it get you? Less than the average guy, guessing. That’s without going into the brown caste of most game practitioners, desperate in their White and Blonde fetishes/Fevers. But sure, it’s the women gagging for you, huh? They don’t select for the quality or marriage, those males (not men) don’t see it, don’t value or respect it and couldn’t keep it if it managed to fall from the sky to their lap. They sexually select (DARWIN) for cheapness, easiness and sluttiness. No wonder they keep finding women to be sexually damaged, emotionally disturbed (the ones attracted to them) and disloyal. They’re signalling what they are. Birds of a feather…

Remember!

The one common denominator in all your failed relationships, is you.

Male borderlines

Borderline is already under-diagnosed in women, more often depression, histrionic personality, (ego, identity) anxiety or narcissism.

But male borderlines are under-diagnosed even more than that. Usually men are tarred as sociopaths (antisocial personality) if they feel empty, or narcissitic personality if they’re grandiose (faking it).

http://namimc.org/male-borderline-personality-disorder-know/

A lot of manosphere and self-proclaimed redpill types match this, and even complain when (other) borderlines are attracted to them, or plain narcissists (there is a co-dependency between the conditions in romantic attachments, the NPD feeds off the BPD’s attention and false identity is created like an ego plug, for both).

Red flags to look for include:

  1. Frequent romantic relationships (often too close together): Do you know a male who has been with tons of women? Did this guy feel guilty or did they feel admired? Believe it or not, some males with BPD symptoms will date multiple women (feel guilty later) and refuse to commit due to a fear of abandonment. Other males will “scare” their spouses away with their quick tempers, argumentativeness, and sometimes even physical aggression. An interaction with a male with BPD may include the individual saying any and everything to trigger their spouses anger. Their relationships may be frequent and too fast. Individuals with BPD tend to be emotional which is why some individuals pursue multiple relationships that begin too fast and end before you can blink.
  2. Drama laden behaviors and attitudes: Most of society, primarily men, would say that “women are dramatic.” Some women would agree. In fact, it is a natural thing for women to be emotional with all of the emotions and hormonal fluctuations. But for males, the drama would look at bit different. For example, I previous worked with a 13 year old male who would come to therapy idealizing me and his work with me almost all month until the final week of the month when he would become very detached emotionally and standoffish. He fluctuated between liking me and confiding in me, to rejecting my ideas and therapeutic support. During these “episodes,” he would also break up with a girl and pursue another. He would also reach out to old girlfriends via texting with the excuse that: “I didn’t end things right, I need to make it right.” This continued for years.
  3. Roller Coaster emotions, thoughts, and behaviors: Again, as stated above, most men are not dramatic but sometimes the way in which emotions are expressed can feel like multiple personalities. Men with BPD will often become “hot” and “cold,” change perspective quickly, or exhibit very angry and hostile emotions toward others. This is the type of person who will exhibit a consistent and stable pattern of behavior, perhaps even for a long time, and then quickly change into what seems like a completely different person. An example of this would be a teenager being a “daddy’s girl” one moment, and then later telling the father how awful of a person he is and how unfair his parenting is.
  4. Hot and Cold interactions with others:Some individuals with BPD really struggle with relationships and often have trouble with interpretation of comments, body language, and emotions. For example, a male with BPD might find it quite disturbing that his wife speaks to other men while in public. He might begin to behave oddly such as being emotionally distant, becoming easily angered, not openly communicating, or begin taking everything personally. This same man may later act as if nothing happened and instantly appear to be one of the most fair spouses you could ever have. The emotions of BPD are like a roller coaster at times and it can be difficult to determine what emotion the individual might exhibit from one moment to another.
  5. Frequent suicide attempts or SIB: It is a known fact within the world of psychology and psychiatry that individuals with suicidal ideations (i.e., thoughts), gestures, or threats will often use suicide as a way to manipulate their loved ones or somehow prove that they are “lovable.” For example, the man above on #4 might become so jealous of his wife talking to other men than he decides to tell his wife that he will kill himself if she does not refuse to talk to other men.In this case, suicidal thoughts, threats, or in gestures is used to manipulate someone else. However, there are individuals who are seriously considering suicide because the symptoms of BPD “causes” difficulties in various domains.The pain is so intensified including the fear of abandonment that suicidal thoughts may temporarily comfort the sufferer.
  6. Attention seeking behaviors: Some individuals with BPD (primarily adolescents with BPD traits) crave attention, even if it is negative. The loud attitude, the blatant and aggressive words, the criticism, the accusations of being unloved and abandoned all draw attention to the individual. Males who exhibit BPD traits will often cut themselves or harm themselves in some way and then draw attention to how they harmed themselves. Other males with BPD traits may engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex, having multiple mother of multiple children, domestically abusing his family, making threats to keep everyone afraid and confused, or entertaining a negative group of peers (e.g., gang involvement),
  7. Dependency/co-dependency: Co-dependency or dependency is often a very common symptom of BPD. As stated above, the fear of abandonment makes it difficult for individuals with BPD to maintain safe, healthy, an satisfying relationships. On the other hand, there may be times when someone connected to the individual with BPD begins to rely, emotionally and psychologically, on the individual with BPD. The relationship is dependent upon the other individual who may be just as (or more) emotionally and psychologically unstable.
  8. Anger outbursts but social charm: Many of us are used to hearing that sociopaths or narcissists are superficial, shallow, and manipulative. But we must also consider that an individual with BPD (who may also have other diagnoses) can become very angry to the point of manipulating situations or responding to confrontations/arguments inappropriately. Anger outbursts can occur more than we think in individuals with BPD.

To any kind of personality condition, they refuse to accept responsibility for their actions or the outcomes because it’s so integral to who they are, they cannot conceive other means. It will always be the fault of the Other e.g. so a gay BPD man will blame all Other man, a straight BPD man will blame all Other/ all women, see what I mean with the manosphere thing? Is that not exactly what they do?

Despite claiming to be alpha (no grit, no LT plans like a psychopath) and chill (apathetic), they frequently burst into rage online, in articles and videos and in person. They usually have domestic abuse accusations on file, but like a psycho, play victim. You can’t be the strong one and the victim. However, they’re highly emotional and try to talk out of this with rationalization, confusing it for rationality because again, they have no true identity so may think they’re ASPD and secretly getting one over on everything, but in truth they don’t even know what those things mean e.g. loyalty, love, rationality, they lack a sense of self like a baby.

PUA appears to be an excuse that all the antisocial behaviours are signalled as positive e.g.

I’m not a slut, I’m a stud!

Women don’t want me? Women can’t have me! Nobody can hold me down!

I’m not dramatic, I’m exciting!

Draining? You’ll miss me when I’m gone!

I’m not mean, I’m funny!

I treat them badly because they deserve it, and I deserve to be worshipped because I am Manly Man McAlpha!

I’m not lonely, I’m a lone wolf!

I could get any woman I want, they’d be so lucky to have a user like me.

When I’m cold, it’s cool. When a woman’s cold, she’s a frigid bitch and there’s something wrong with her.

Link: Gaslighting Techniques

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted/

The standard misconceptions about gaslighting are twofold;

  1. it’s lying, especially compulsive, intense and frequent
  2. it’s playing Doctor and telling them they’re mentally ill because it’s harder to disprove

There is a teeny grain of truth to these but often the opposite is more truthful.

For the first, it’s far more often subtle but sustained over time e.g. “You know how you forget things sometimes? We talked about this, yes, we did.”

Compulsive lies are comparatively easy to spot, especially when you have proof of what they said (video, text). A compulsive liar will then call the recording wrong.

Gaslighters tend to escalate over time, but drip-drop over years e.g. “You forgot what drink I wanted. Why didn’t you cook dinner tonight? The appointment was yesterday. You sold the car, that was your idea. If you hate it, maybe there’s a good reason.” See how it builds up, from fairly innocuous to insidious.

The second point is grating. There are people qualified to diagnose and they are not in the wrong, you’re free to get second, third, hundredth opinions. If you are a patient or client, you are the passive party in that power dynamic, either accept it so we can work together or get out of my office. You’re paying for that expertise, hence The Wall (of qualifications). It seems funny and vain to outsiders but sometimes very disturbed people need reminding who is boss. Clients having a particularly troublesome time (very high defenses, need a lot of help) can try to play the shrink, actually emotionally abuse them, at which point body language says it all (looks to Wall, looks at client).

However, if a person has no formal qualifications whatsoever, yes, that is gaslighting. Totally fair claim there. Personally, I am revolted to see laymen go around spouting off like they think they’re Freud (always men, never seen otherwise, often attacking women, often saying they were raped and/or are whores, baseless defamation attacks, it’s sick).

You wouldn’t go around telling people they have diabetes cos they’re being moody, don’t go round telling them they have depression, okay? (see footnote) No, reading wikipedia like a checklist doesn’t count, and the formal bullet lists aren’t supposed to be read as a checklist anyway, or everybody would self-diagnose and we’d never need any type of doctor ever again, just WebMD.
Assuming you have a personal relationship with that person (to notice this stuff in the wild, outside the safety of The Room), there is a system both subtle and ethical: gently verbally test how bad the possible symptoms are. Bring these to their attention, in a non-judgemental way. Encourage them to see an independent third party. Like a regular check-up. This is not an insult, because merely having a mental illness is not insulting, and you’re already suffering, it can’t get much worse but deliberately making your social circle suffer because you feel ashamed about getting treatment is wrong and requires the client take responsibility – by seeing somebody they’ve never met (try to claim bias there).

If the professional says they’re fine, the person calling it out should shut up on the topic. A gaslighter would not.

There is a fatal flaw to the logic of the intimate gaslighter.

If they’re so crazy and awful, why do you want to be with them?

A handy way to spot if someone has qualifications (which include training on how to handle these incidents) is to see if they immediately jump to an answer when the person is currently not diagnosed with anything. That’s projection and it tends to follow trends in pop psychology e.g. anxiety and PTSD are having a moment. If, however, they tentatively venture that you might have some symptoms (which they point out and explain their reasoning) and you should get it ruled out by somebody else? You’re looking at a professional.

While we’re here, someone can act crazy without being mentally ill (which is 100% their fault for being an adult brat) and be mentally ill but not act crazy (usually because their treatment plan is the real deal). Somebody calling you crazy might not be gaslighting you, unless they’re trying to change your behaviour in a negative direction (less autonomy, more stress) to their personal benefit and gaslighters have a long line of victims, so note if that’s their Go-To ‘insult’ based on your demo (sex, race, whatever), which again, betrays an ignorance of whatever the fuck they claim to be talking about, cos it is certainly not psychology.

Footnote: there is word of a blood test for depression on the medical horizon.

Psychopath tells

Since that porn star is being called a psychopath (I think he is), here’s what we look for.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201601/psychopaths-work

Remember;

They lack empathy and remorse and never accept responsibility for their action.

TLDR:

Do they lie a lot?

Uses aliases?

Lie about their age when they’re ashamed of it? [we like this one because we can verify]

Nudge the boundaries between their definition of fun and illegal?

Have little in the way of impulse control (gambling, drinking, drugs, sex especially)? …Really, just look at their sexual history, it’s never wrong.

Must they always have control?

Even over strangers?

Do they push boundaries repeatedly?

Do they say things they know will upset a person?

Just to get a rise? [antisocial]

Do they say explicit things to women that they know would get them punched if a man were present or addressed? [most are male and all male psychopaths are misogynists]

Is rape a literal turn-on? Does the mere mention of the word put a little glimmer in their eyes? Do they have many incredibly detailed opinions clearly formed over many years about why ‘it isn’t so bad’?

Will they target kind people or quiet people, minding their own business?

Do they leech off kind people emotionally?

Do they rotate their friend groups every few years because people get sick of them?

Do they lack direction in life, probably in the same place 10 years from now, doing the same things?

Do they expect others to serve them?

Do they hog the conversation? When they know nothing about the topic? [mansplaining originates here]

Do they belittle people over nothing? Including different morally neutral life choices?

If these things are reminding you of PUAs, you’re correct, things like negging, plowing, shit testing (which gamma males do constantly) without going into personal space violations and sexual coercion (that revokes consent later given, under duress) are all red flags for profiling. Basically, can they only get it up if they choke her? Sadly we can’t ask that question but it’d be 100% predictive.

ah who knows mystery shrug eva green pfft haha