Game Review: Slut Quest by Puerarchy

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4/5 would bang

This inspirational panfeminist masterpiece transcends vindictive patriarchal norms as the player is immersed into the daily struggles of sluthood. The programming is a retro homage to the ways liberal women in STEM are kept repressed by masculine computer languages, under the jackboot of The Man, crushing cosmopolitan worldviews underfoot and burning the Third World for oil. Sensitive to the denizens of Tumblrina victimhood masturbation, the trigger warning at the outset was a refreshing respite from the pain of playing videogames, which no women have ever enjoyed ever because Goddess Anita said so.

The gameplay was rich and the¬†protagonist vibrant and fierce, like my Caribbean poolboy. It addresses the super-serious notion of privilege in a sensitive way, without scaring off the hipster iMac user. When will men learn they are to blame for every single problem in the world? Especially when it involves women. We don’t need men, we just need their help and money. I don’t play many games, but I know exactly what the industry needs to do, endorse this magnum opus or else I’m gonna write more scathing reviews on the internet and maybe start a Twitter war.

The points system provides the validation every player needs. You get points for being a rabid bitch, it’s a dream come true for those of us who find FPS the living face of evil. If anything, this game was too short, like my patience for happy straight, educated white men. Transformative. Wow, just wow.

-1 needs more attention-whoring.