Link: Gaslighting Techniques

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted/

The standard misconceptions about gaslighting are twofold;

  1. it’s lying, especially compulsive, intense and frequent
  2. it’s playing Doctor and telling them they’re mentally ill because it’s harder to disprove

There is a teeny grain of truth to these but often the opposite is more truthful.

For the first, it’s far more often subtle but sustained over time e.g. “You know how you forget things sometimes? We talked about this, yes, we did.”

Compulsive lies are comparatively easy to spot, especially when you have proof of what they said (video, text). A compulsive liar will then call the recording wrong.

Gaslighters tend to escalate over time, but drip-drop over years e.g. “You forgot what drink I wanted. Why didn’t you cook dinner tonight? The appointment was yesterday. You sold the car, that was your idea. If you hate it, maybe there’s a good reason.” See how it builds up, from fairly innocuous to insidious.

The second point is grating. There are people qualified to diagnose and they are not in the wrong, you’re free to get second, third, hundredth opinions. If you are a patient or client, you are the passive party in that power dynamic, either accept it so we can work together or get out of my office. You’re paying for that expertise, hence The Wall (of qualifications). It seems funny and vain to outsiders but sometimes very disturbed people need reminding who is boss. Clients having a particularly troublesome time (very high defenses, need a lot of help) can try to play the shrink, actually emotionally abuse them, at which point body language says it all (looks to Wall, looks at client).

However, if a person has no formal qualifications whatsoever, yes, that is gaslighting. Totally fair claim there. Personally, I am revolted to see laymen go around spouting off like they think they’re Freud (always men, never seen otherwise, often attacking women, often saying they were raped and/or are whores, baseless defamation attacks, it’s sick).

You wouldn’t go around telling people they have diabetes cos they’re being moody, don’t go round telling them they have depression, okay? (see footnote) No, reading wikipedia like a checklist doesn’t count, and the formal bullet lists aren’t supposed to be read as a checklist anyway, or everybody would self-diagnose and we’d never need any type of doctor ever again, just WebMD.
Assuming you have a personal relationship with that person (to notice this stuff in the wild, outside the safety of The Room), there is a system both subtle and ethical: gently verbally test how bad the possible symptoms are. Bring these to their attention, in a non-judgemental way. Encourage them to see an independent third party. Like a regular check-up. This is not an insult, because merely having a mental illness is not insulting, and you’re already suffering, it can’t get much worse but deliberately making your social circle suffer because you feel ashamed about getting treatment is wrong and requires the client take responsibility – by seeing somebody they’ve never met (try to claim bias there).

If the professional says they’re fine, the person calling it out should shut up on the topic. A gaslighter would not.

There is a fatal flaw to the logic of the intimate gaslighter.

If they’re so crazy and awful, why do you want to be with them?

A handy way to spot if someone has qualifications (which include training on how to handle these incidents) is to see if they immediately jump to an answer when the person is currently not diagnosed with anything. That’s projection and it tends to follow trends in pop psychology e.g. anxiety and PTSD are having a moment. If, however, they tentatively venture that you might have some symptoms (which they point out and explain their reasoning) and you should get it ruled out by somebody else? You’re looking at a professional.

While we’re here, someone can act crazy without being mentally ill (which is 100% their fault for being an adult brat) and be mentally ill but not act crazy (usually because their treatment plan is the real deal). Somebody calling you crazy might not be gaslighting you, unless they’re trying to change your behaviour in a negative direction (less autonomy, more stress) to their personal benefit and gaslighters have a long line of victims, so note if that’s their Go-To ‘insult’ based on your demo (sex, race, whatever), which again, betrays an ignorance of whatever the fuck they claim to be talking about, cos it is certainly not psychology.

Footnote: there is word of a blood test for depression on the medical horizon.

Are you new to the Manosphere?

Allow me to instruct you. See that link you came from? Run. Run back as fast as you can. It’s dead. It’s over. The cancer is malignant.

It’s become a scam.

It’s like the anti-lifestyle blog for hipster depressives. My pain isn’t like your pain!

We’re special because we see the truth!

The world is awful and hates us, we haven’t made any stupid decisions!

It’s like the sad male answer to Oprah. It tells you everything you wanna hear. There are many feminist analogues, and that’s why they hate them so much, the similarity smarts their fragile ego e.g. ROK is the male Jezebel. Prove me wrong.

You know the name is ironic?

I have never met a man in the manosphere.

Plenty of entitled shrill nags bitter about other’s happiness. Their dream is to make other people as hopeless as they are. They’ll dissemble and twist to do it. They want you to stop trying. They tell you it’s impossible. Whatever plans you had, the Big Bad is keeping you down. Be miserable and give them money. It’s such a con. Few provide value. It’s the internet equivalent of subprime – they don’t believe in what they’re selling and they don’t believe in anything. They wear their apathy and nihilism with pride. They’re full of pride and hollow of accomplishment. Hedonism is the only thing that can touch them, past the Mommy Issues and blunted affect. Their vision for the future is bleak, their fallacies predictable and notably, success is a joke to them. They mock you for believing in it. They tell you it will never happen, whatever you wanted.

Tell them about a happy marriage. They’ll laugh.

Tell them about true love. They’ll deride you.

Tell them about a stable family life. They’ll probably try and gaslight you into thinking your wife has been cheating with the milkman.

Oh, they don’t believe it. They hope they’re right or you destroy their precious worldview. The one where they’re unhappy because they fucked up, repeatedly. You can’t improve your life until you admit you did something wrong with it. They’re insecure and cannot be saved from themselves. They need a shrink. They don’t laugh at other people, not really, they’re so self-loathing they project out to other people what they hate and laugh at themselves, twisting it into proof of their own superiority. You’re married? Lol they’re single and loving it. You’re single? Lol they’re covered in women, so alpha. You’re seeing someone? Lol they know she’s gonna ruin you.

You cannot win.

You know what they say about women? Anytime a woman is happy, they complain. It hurts them to see a woman happy, whatever the cause. That’s how you know they’re misogynists and have issues with their mother. Btw, they often resort to childish psychodynamic explanations of people they dislike, often involving rape, despite holding no qualifications on the subject, clearly. Mental illness isn’t an insult but they disgustingly use it like one. They will twist anything good into something evil.

A woman has no job? Parasite. A woman is a mother? Shrew. A woman is part-time? Bad mother. A woman is in a low wage job helping to pay the bills? Emasculating her husband. A woman gets welfare? Thief. A woman has a high wage job? She’s ‘stolen’ it from men. A woman contributes to society with her intelligence? That doesn’t prove anything, but she probably slept her way to the top.

We cannot win.

Note: they will play the slut! accusation card regardless of overwhelming evidence against this. That’s why they’re cunts. Women don’t need a second, thanks.

These people are toxic. Some are sociopaths controlling the others, but mainly they’re spergs looking for a system to explain away their self-created pain. If you act stupid, bad things happen. If you insult women, you’ll repel them. They’re collectively too dumb to ever realize this, let alone acknowledge it openly and self-correct.

Know why?

All the real ones have left, long ago. We’re left with the broken rejects. You see, the manosphere should be a stop along the road. Like a convenience store, you get in, you get exactly what you need and you get out. You aren’t supposed to hang around at the bar pontificating on your failure as an adult in the easiest century ever (and using your sex as an excuse, how cheap). Past a certain age (20, the age is 20) you have to stop blaming other people. They’re full of contradictions ruining their lives e.g.

Men are the best and naturally good at everything.
Women somehow have the power and intelligence to keep us down.

or

We need more traditional women to improve society and boost fertility.
Women are useless inferior bothers who ruin your life and intelligence/creativity are sex-exclusive because fuck neurological proof to the contrary.

Women are crazy.
Men keep killing themselves and practically everyone else and this is evil and women’s fault.

Women are the sex without sexual self control. A man needs to cheat – in his marriage. Ignore the Ashley Madison data on male cheats. Also, women are prudes with broken libido. A woman who won’t have sex with us is a whore. 

and the increasingly shrill refrain recently

hur derp Women never invented anything and having babies [note: pro-creation, the ultimate creation] is all they’re good for.
We should reinforce the ban on letting women go to University again, they aren’t dumb as we lied about, they’re actually making us look bad.

Don’t bother pointing this out, I already explained the IQ thing for voting if they bothered to pick up a bloody book. The average female IQ is actually higher than the average male,as tested and admitted by a male researcher but don’t bother trying to show them real data. They’re in a sex supremacy movement, just like the feminists. That is why they fail. They don’t get, it isn’t a competition. If a woman contributes to society in STEM then everybody wins! (There are many women in STEM actually, if they bothered to go to a convention instead of whining about muh Tesla online like IFLSers they could meet us, see footnote).

Can you read this? It means if we went back to a merit based system, one based on IQ, then women would control elections, as more men would be disqualified. As for one based on property, women live longer aka we inherit, bitches!

They’re dumb enough to look up to psychopaths. The same guys often dead or in jail before 40.

The ‘naturals’ as they call them, in spite of self-improvement work common to everyone, those guys don’t sit around angrily typing on keyboards about what a man really is like a conspiracy nut or what a woman should be if only XYZ. No. They’re out there being it. They’re out there living it. They’re doing things to improve the world. Blogging is navel-gazing narcissism, no better morally than women talking at a coffee shop, we all know that. They aren’t pushing a product and they certainly aren’t pushing themselves, these manboys are like makeup bloggers who believe in personal branding to excuse their narcissism. It’s such a gamma thing to go around correcting everyone when your moral authority is zero and strutting around with your cognitive distortions carefully crafted to make you feel better while calling everybody else deluded.

The frequent voices of the manosphere are the archetype of modern Peter Pan. The r-type’s ideal. They will say and do anything to avoid responsibility. Hence, manboys. They dispute male duties even exist (laughably trying to dub that sexist, well yeah…, but also they say they believe in gender roles, I know) because that’s dressed in overalls and looks like work. But oh, they’ll make some bitchy comment about better men who worked in the mines or died in a war so they can denigrate the grand-daughters of those men or have some legally questionable bad sex with them. They look like men but they don’t think, feel or act like one. There isn’t a moral compass. Utterly useless to any real society and their social lives match, they’re often the dregs that enjoy going to clubs, ffs. Who primarily socializes in a place too dark to see, too loud to hear and with such terrible music?

Test: You know will know an r-type by his positive, victimless attitude to promiscuity. 

Bonus: And they’re bizarrely quiet on the subject of cheats. Cliff notes: If a man cheats, good, because I am man and free after holy vows. If a woman cheats, evil, because woman is my property as it says in the vows. 

If you want to know whether to trust a man look at his personal history. Look at what he made out of his life. If he’s what, 30+ and still a loser? You want to take advice from this person, seriously? Don’t listen to what he says until you like what he’s done. It’s all theory to him and he’ll chuck it out as soon as it makes him feel bad about himself. He’s in a little bubble like a weeaboo. You don’t take marriage advice from the guy who thinks it’s a prison, the gamophobe. You don’t take advice on women from a man who has never kept one beyond the honeymoon period. If a man says all women are trash, what does it say that they were attracted to him? You don’t take career advice from a blogger. This should all be common sense.

It’s a stream of outrage porn and a long string of self-pitying weak-willed excuses to remain a loser. My, so many girls must be begging to lock down that bundle of issues! I bet he wants you to fold his underpants and cut his crusts too, just like Mommy did. Because marrying your Mother to look after you and being sexually attracted to that image isn’t creepy whatsoever.

I cannot think of a single man in the usual swirl of the manosphere and it’s drama that would make a drag queen diva blush, who is qualified to give traditional advice. None of them have lived it. Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude it is generally a scam. Think about it this way: if it’s so obvious or they’re so kind-hearted, why must you keep opening your wallet? Lovebombing.

It’s a personality cult. There, I said it.

……………………

Footnote: STEM is fine!

“None of those things are observable,” Hira says. “In fact, they’re operating in the opposite way.”
Read it and weep. http://spectrum.ieee.org/at-work/education/the-stem-crisis-is-a-myth

You have been replaced. You were inferior to the new team, that’s capitalism. You let yourself be replaced. That’s a personal failure and rather humiliating.

Name ONE decent male inventor of the past century and I’ll let you play the Tesla card. He’s your version of Jezebel’s Lovelace card but at least her code worked.

10 Gaslighting Signs

http://www.psych2go.net/10-gaslighting-signs-in-an-abusive-relationship/

Salient;

  1. The Meaning of “Normal” Changes

This is one of the most obvious signs of gaslighting. If someone tries to tell you something is normal when you think it is wrong, you need to get out of that relationship.

This is like if a person does not want to take the next step in a relationship and is called a prude rather than accepting their comfort levels. Keep in mind abusers are not only in romantic relationships but even professional relationships.

p.s. It isn’t gaslighting if you request they get independently checked out by someone with your formal qualifications. I have encountered people dipshit enough to call “gaslight!”and clutch their pearls when I’ve recommended this. …It’s good mental hygiene. These are the same people who think self-diagnosis counts btw.