Shame is your conscience

Shame isn’t something that comes from outside. It’s only triggered.

Alongside guilt, regret, contrition and remorse, they are emotions caused and produced and experienced in yourself.

If you feel shame for doing a thing, you should.

The system is fully operational.

And then you should also learn from it, by not doing it again.

Or there’ll be even more shame, however repressed, in your future.

Are there shameless people? Yes. They have bigger problems, believe me. See title.

Anyone who refuses to grow up is wasting year after year of their life they could’ve fully experienced.

Sometimes you won’t feel good things.

Welcome to being a good (or better) person.

Shame is based on actions. If you didn’t do a wrong thing, what’s the problem?

Shame is not disapproval. Bad people disapprove of good ones, it infers nothing of the moral high ground as an opinion and people with the least moral authority carp “only God can judge me!” and “how dare you say that, who are you to say that?” or “you’re (noun) shaming!” which is just… descriptive.

Yes, shaming a man for doing something wrong is valid.

Nobody shames a man for existing.

They shame him for being bad at the man thing. This isn’t about your genitals, it’s about trying to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own life using your genitals and trying to foist the blame (agency) onto other people. Otherwise, make a penis hat and go on a march.

Sorry, forgot you already did that. I’m picturing some middle-class boat shoes, bad shorts and a single, lonely tiki torch in the corner of a room, never to be lit again.

It’s funny they’re even trying this with other men now.

Oh, does he hate men too? Nice thought-terminating cliche, morons.

Because guess what – the person who notices and tries to draw attention to your faults and improves you – they care, and best of all, they’re trying to help you.

What would you prefer? Mollycoddling?

Should men/women/both lavish praise on you, fake praise and humour you like a little kid? Do the equivalent of praise your crappy crayon drawing?

Holding men to a high standard isn’t a bad thing. They wouldn’t say it if they didn’t think you could do it.

This “man shaming” thing

[that won’t ever ever be a thing, men aren’t shamed enough for the bad things they do compared to women]

is more nonsensical than the SJW’s slut shaming. It isn’t woman shaming, is it?

I’ve never, ever been slut-shamed. Guess why!

[Women have tried to start rumours, guess what they were. Didn’t work.]

And to be totally fair:

So it isn’t being a man, don’t blame other men or assume they’re like you. Part of the problem is blaming the collective but trying to take credit for simple things as an individual. That’s what little kids do.

And it won’t make you happier. As people who have overcome that phase have been trying to tell you!

Bitching about man shaming is proving the very reason you should be shamed.

Pic for clarity:

It isn’t about being a man though. Is it?

You know.

Deep down, you know.

If you think any group is beyond reproach or question, go get a plushie lobster in a Peterson-esque safe space and cry into a copy of Fight Club.

“Someone, somewhere, doesn’t like me!”

If you had a life, you wouldn’t care.

This post could have been a lot meaner.

Paper: Shame and Trauma

http://www.healingshame.com/articles/Shame_and_Trauma.pdf

I don’t fully know what to make of this, I’m leaving it here.

It’s short.

Usually hypercritical parents (no, one isn’t off the hook because they enable it) are responsible.

I think a lot of depression is actually deep shame.

Proportionate and deserved shame is good for you, as it points out. I refer to deep-set developmental shame you might not know is there. At least religious shame has standards.

Friendzoning man still feels entitlement

It isn’t just men, it isn’t just women, people suck!

http://elitedaily.com/dating/say-to-girl-benched/1725357/

“I mean, granted, I was never ready mentally, emotionally, or financially, but all I needed was time. I’m still not all the way there yet, but I’m ready to work.”

>When men in their thirties claim to be ‘figuring stuff out’ like an immature teenage girl…
Is he going on a juice cleanse? Backpacking round India? Converting to Buddhism? New gym membership? Read a great self-help book about Positive Thinking TM? Starting an online store for supplements?

You’re supposed to have figured out how to adult as a teenager.

When you’re double that age, it’s frankly humiliating.

“One day, I was going to take things seriously. I just wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready, but please don’t move on. I had it all planned out in my head. The timing just wasn’t right, I promise.”

Emotional abuse for $200 aka Let me gaslight you into doubting your own, accurate impression of me and treat you like shit because I wanna get away with being a terrible person.


R-types believe they can have their cake and eat it aka the Have it All lifestyle.
Life is all about timing, either you snatch up the good while it’s there or it will go. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

People pair up very quickly by around thirty. It’s like musical chairs in reverse. There are chairs but they’re kinda sticky.

“You knew that one day it would be you and me. So you waited patiently.”

That’s called friendship.
Women don’t wait around like that unless they’re crazy, like creepy men.

Sane people have personal boundaries and don’t allowed themselves to be used.

He thought he was playing her for emotional companionship and later, sex and wifing up, but that friendship was all she wanted. Classic!

“You seem happy. I hope you are because I’m not. I mean I’m happy for you. But I feel like sh*t. That gorgeous smile I see is the product of someone else’s doing.”

Narcissism. Furious that others are having fun without them.

“I can make your smile wider, though! I’m the only one who literally has you dying laughing, adding the extra O’s to your LMAO.”

That is the most 21st century male thing I have ever heard.
Men used to promise to conquer empires, dammit. That is plain pathetic.

He’s not even offering to cook her dinner.

SOME-THING.

I think this is why she was relieved he kept it at a friendship level.
She dodged 7 bullets out of a 6-chamber gun.

Women notice how you treat us, I covered this in detail. If we’re your friend and see other women being treated like shit, the sexual attraction DIES. RIP. NEVER COMING BACK. This is why we have the higher EQ.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/women-notice-how-you-treat-the-rest-of-us/

“It’s my bad. I waited too long. I played around. I thought you would always be there. I took you for granted. I’m sorry.”

False remorse, yep. *checks off list*

https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/shame-guilt-regret-remorse-and-contrition/
“By definition, character-impaired folks have deficient or sometimes even absent consciences. So, genuine remorse is usually not in their vocabulary when they do things that hurt others. They might well have some regret for the practical consequences of their actions, but that’s not at all the same as being remorseful. And, because they are predisposed to use their typical ways of coping (e.g., denying, lying, “justifying,”blaming, etc.) to deal with situational stressors, while they might experience momentary regret over an adverse consequence of their behavior, they usually only dig in their heels and become more determined than ever to have their way, primarily because they lack remorse. That’s precisely why they don’t seem to learn from experience. They actually do learn, and learn plenty. They just don’t learn the lessons we’d like them to learn. It’s because of their lack of remorse that they don’t re-assess their general approach to things and seriously consider modifying their style…”

They learn to fuck you over better next time.

Guilt is feeling bad about something you’ve done, whereas shame is feeling bad about who you are. The popular wisdom for some time has been that guilt is both essential and often helpful to moral functioning but shame is to be avoided because it’s counterproductive at best or outright toxic at worst. Some folks have extended the meaning of shame to include feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, or disgrace. But shame is not synonymous with any of these things (Words have to have meanings and it’s important to distinguish terms). And only recently have some researchers bucked the long popular trend by presenting evidence that some shame can indeed be good.”

He’d love to claim she cheated – on what, is the question begged.

To get this straight as a ruler;

guilt > for actions

shame > for persons

embarrassment > temporary, minor

humiliation > major, self-involved

disgraced > permanent, major, social damage to reputation

e.g. If you cheat on your spouse they are humiliated, if the neighbours find out they are also disgraced.

“Deep down, I’m hoping it doesn’t work out. I’m hoping he messes up — not to the point that he hurts you or to the point that you become bitter and maybe even take it out on me.”

translation:

me me me me me me me me me
but I care about you

This is why women have such concepts as toxic people and frenemies.
They hurt and sabotage you.

“But even worse than all of that is the fact that I’m old, lonely, and full of regret.”

Not her fault.

Come home when you get a chance. I’ll be here.”

Oh, fuck off.

Maybe.”

Kill yourself.

Please.

I didn’t edit that either, it really is that shallow. Check.

Easy men are not hard to get, they don’t get to play hard to get. Coyness is not attractive in a man, it’s commitment phobia. That’s the feminine role.

His earlier article:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/real-reason-guys-bench-girls/1542893/

“Benching”-when men friendzone wife material to pursue slags on the Pussy Parade but don’t want to admit to friendzoning.

“Some girls might call this a fuckboy activity or whatever.”
r-types.

#shudder

Don’t describe me as I am.

“There was never any pressure. Whenever we did link up, we had a non-sexual good time.”

They feel sexually entitled to everything – including platonic friends.
It’s like the so-called alpha widow or a retired porn star.
‘I’m damaged but you should want me even more because blah blah blah magic cheat code word experience.’
Mental damage is certainly an experience.
Bad relationships teach you bad lessons, abusive ones.

To continue seeking out other shitty people (his level) shows he learnt nothing after the first one.

Fool me once…

Once is a mistake, twice, a choice.

“…………….Bench carefully.”

He doesn’t tell men not to, he says not to keep stringing good women along for too long.
What an absolute POS.
Yes, he deserves to be alone.

I’ve seen too many good women lap this bullshit up and wonder why they get cheated on, married.

You can’t change him, you haven’t changed him, this isn’t a fairytale.

These posts are a PSA in avoiding crazy.