This is so offensive I don’t actually know where to start.
Three major points. Keep it brief.
- gaslighting is a serious form of psychological abuse and not a card to wave around to win an argument (i.e. you do not abuse someone by engaging in debate).
- gaslighting occurs over time with the mental unhinging of the victim, a chronic behaviour between a specific victim and predator. Harley Quinn is a good fictional example. It ruins lives, is no joking matter and the damage leaves a permanent mark. It is very serious and often counts as a crime when it can be proven.
- the people who say they want a polite conversation should be minding their manners the most, calling attention to someone’s shitty behaviour is not tone policing and certainly never gaslighting. However, SJWs are the biggest tone policers out there, say black not coloured, he in a dress is she, say POC not Paki, say gay not homo etc etc. If you use their words with sarcasm, they will literally try to play Tone Police and possibly threaten to call the police (word use is not yet illegal, empty threats and wasting police time are).
I was tempted to put this on the wall of shame but it’s more productive to explain why it’s wrong.
Also, this ugly pig somehow manages to be uglier on the inside. Abuse victims are not rhetorical chips to play against people you dislike. I’ve seen the damage firsthand and I want to personally slap anyone who minimizes their trauma.
What was the argument, the topic?
A 15 year-old who thinks cutting its hair will make it a boy, responding to the correct claim it has a mental illness with ‘fuck you’.
Truly, it is the rhetoric of champions.
They’ve lost their minds, haven’t they?
Tone policing is when somebody with a higher social or other IQ insults you and all you can say in return is
“I don’t like your tone.”
That’s it. The sole ‘criticism’.
Nothing more, nothing less.
That is literally it.
If they have anything else to say, the tone thing is a passing comment. Especially if they reference a specific etiquette rule which has been breached (rationality).
Another form, often improperly used for the same task is “You’re being very rude.”
Commonly used by men losing a row with a woman when the fact she is a woman makes them rampantly insecure.
It never works to silence women (they use it in a bitchy gay way) because a gentleman would never say that (if both parties are doing it, neither can play high horse) nor get into a row in the first place. Debates and other meetings are mannered, respectable affairs and if you flout the rules, you automatically lose. This isn’t a bar at closing. This improper decorum should be pointed out after a few like infractions and once pointed out. with evidence, the debate or other meeting is already over. Arguably, it ended when the rules were broken. If you have to breach the etiquette, you are the loser.
Sometimes, the topic calls for rudeness e.g. using the word vagina in a conversation about abortion. It doesn’t change the logos of the argument, the facts. If it devolves to a verbal barrage of personal insults, that person is declaring their own loss in trying to poison the well.
The speaker knows this, but things like ‘omg rude’ and other synonyms as an excuse to end the conversation are cheap tricks to get out of explaining oneself when your turn comes around once you already volunteered to do so (making the user, in fact, the rude one).
“I’m losing and/or I’m wrong so instead of admitting it and/or bowing out gracefully, I’ll blame you (possibly gaslighting, actually); I don’t want to talk to you anymore and I will control this situation because you’re a Big Meanie and should feel ashamed of yourself, you’re a bad person for making me feelbad.”
If you keep pressing their triggered amygdala, they’ll go onto a long projecting rant about how rude, ugly and stupid you are. Hitting the three main notes of manners, looks and intelligence that liars often seek to conceal re themselves.